Yesterday I learned of yet another secret that my spouse kept from me. He has had a need for over 40 years to keep secrets about things.....lots of things. I don't think it's good for our relationship, but this time I was prepared mentally to not stress out about his latest secret. His secrets usually involve hoarding money but there have been plenty of other things too. I calmly told him what I thought of his latest secret and went on about my business. Today it's bugging me.....so here I am blogging about keeping secrets in our closest relationships.
In my opinion good mental health involves having good relationships in our lives. It's not everything but it's pretty darned important. I think trust and openness in a relationship are vital to it's success and yet.....how has my relationship lasted over 40 years without these key ingredients? I think it is because for the most part, I've accepted this person for the very private and secretive person. However, by accepting this about him, I've also accepted a much lower level of intimacy in our relationship and therein lies one of the reasons for the anger, stress and anxiety I often feel.
I did an Internet search on keeping secrets and found an interesting article. The article weighs the pros and cons of keeping secrets in a relationship. My conclusion is that if you want intimacy in your relationships, reveal the secrets when it feels safe to do so.
I may have a problem in revealing too much about myself and my feelings.....I'm kind of an open book, so to speak. However, it feels like a good, honest way for me to be, so I guess I'll continue on my path while others 'keep on' keeping their secrets. Thanks for listening.
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