I wonder if it's just this time of year that has me fighting the battle of depression again. I know the holidays are famous for people being depressed but my worst time is after they are over. It's probably because the weather gets cold and I have a tendency to get sick. I'm plagued with sinus infections. It also gets lonesome.
Since I booted my older sister from the family site, I've felt really sad that once again our relationship bombed. I don't think it's possible for her to like me. A number of people said, "good" when I told them she was gone. It was obvious how hateful she was being. I'm sure many think otherwise and I still feel like crawling back in my hole but here I am.
I've been studying my Dad's journal. He wrote it in the '80's and I've had it all this time. He passed away in 1990. I have read bits and pieces over the years but never really delved into it much....it was too painful. It's still painful, but now I'm not only reading it but posting it for my brother, remaining two sisters and other relatives to see. This is probably not helping my depression but it feels like something I need to do right now. He sure loved his family!
I feel much love for my family and that is always what gets me through these really bad bouts of depression. Right now knowing my son will be over later today, or knowing I'll see my granddaughter this weekend are great things that motivate me to get up and do something. I've been gaining weight and really hope I will manage to motivate myself to do something about that soon.
I really think motivation is the key to winning the battle against depression. I'm trying hard to muster up my motivation this time.
Archive for the ‘Family’ Category
Depression, a Battle Again!
Wednesday, January 18th, 2012New Year, Same Old Depression
Friday, January 6th, 2012
Happy New Year everyone!
I haven't written for quite a while because I wasn't feeling depressed. Now that the holidays are over, the same old depression is trying to seep back into my days. I'm resisting the best I can. How are all of you doing fighting off depression?
I feel very fortunate to have this blog and so many faithful followers. I appreciate you! I also need to try and appreciate myself. That sounds strange but...it's something I find difficult to do all the time and even more so when I get the blues.
I have family members who frequently talk about their accomplishments. I don't understand how they are able to do that. After I've heard or read plenty of that, I start wondering what I might say about my accomplishments. I wonder getting out of bed and making it through another day, or managing not to eat all the chocolate at once, would impress anyone.
Recently, I did a good thing for my extended family. I started a family group website so that we could all communicate and share pictures. Several of my sisters wanted a family site but they didn't know how to accomplish it. I was able to set it up and I felt a sense of accomplishment. Even more recently, this good thing that I did has turned into my worst nightmare! My sisters are cruel and their cruelty is usually directed at me. It's causing me a lot of stress and increased depression just dealing with them again.
I guess there was a lot to be said for the "isolationism" I had been practicing for the past several years. I don't really want to return to that but this emotional pain is very difficult. Thank you for reading this. I hope I haven't been too much of a whiner. I would appreciate any feedback you can give me.
I haven't written for quite a while because I wasn't feeling depressed. Now that the holidays are over, the same old depression is trying to seep back into my days. I'm resisting the best I can. How are all of you doing fighting off depression?
I feel very fortunate to have this blog and so many faithful followers. I appreciate you! I also need to try and appreciate myself. That sounds strange but...it's something I find difficult to do all the time and even more so when I get the blues.
I have family members who frequently talk about their accomplishments. I don't understand how they are able to do that. After I've heard or read plenty of that, I start wondering what I might say about my accomplishments. I wonder getting out of bed and making it through another day, or managing not to eat all the chocolate at once, would impress anyone.
Recently, I did a good thing for my extended family. I started a family group website so that we could all communicate and share pictures. Several of my sisters wanted a family site but they didn't know how to accomplish it. I was able to set it up and I felt a sense of accomplishment. Even more recently, this good thing that I did has turned into my worst nightmare! My sisters are cruel and their cruelty is usually directed at me. It's causing me a lot of stress and increased depression just dealing with them again.
I guess there was a lot to be said for the "isolationism" I had been practicing for the past several years. I don't really want to return to that but this emotional pain is very difficult. Thank you for reading this. I hope I haven't been too much of a whiner. I would appreciate any feedback you can give me.
Depressed Again!
Thursday, March 24th, 2011
I'm really depressed again after a short reprieve from the angry beast. I guess it's time for me to start blogging again because I believe it helps. Please bear with me as I try to work through my problems in public. I hope I can do this, anyway.
We moved in November and we've fought a lot ever since the move.....well, prior to the move and during the move too. It's been a difficult adjustment for both of us. The holidays were hard because holidays are just hard even if you haven't just moved. Our occasional Spring like day has been helpful and I'm hoping for more of that.
Today however, it is chilly and dreary. I didn't want to get out of bed. I know I need help when I have lots of interesting things to do but am not motivated to do any of them. One of my biggest problems is the feeling that I don't know where to start. If I could just make myself start then I know I would become enthused about whatever I undertook.
Maybe writing on this blog again is the start I need. I sure hope so. I appreciate all the comments my readers have made and I hope you will continue reading and commenting.
We moved in November and we've fought a lot ever since the move.....well, prior to the move and during the move too. It's been a difficult adjustment for both of us. The holidays were hard because holidays are just hard even if you haven't just moved. Our occasional Spring like day has been helpful and I'm hoping for more of that.
Today however, it is chilly and dreary. I didn't want to get out of bed. I know I need help when I have lots of interesting things to do but am not motivated to do any of them. One of my biggest problems is the feeling that I don't know where to start. If I could just make myself start then I know I would become enthused about whatever I undertook.
Maybe writing on this blog again is the start I need. I sure hope so. I appreciate all the comments my readers have made and I hope you will continue reading and commenting.
De-Stress During the Hustle and Bustle
Sunday, December 7th, 2008
by Susan
Amidst the holiday hustle and bustle, I hope you will take time to de-stress so you don't wear yourself out completely. My husband and I are doing that on a regular basis this year. As we have gotten older we have realized that we need to take time for us to be alone together........ enjoying some of our usual activities.
Yesterday we finished our Christmas shopping, I think. We always shop for our four children, their spouses and our two grandchildren as well as a few other family members. We don't spend a lot of money but we do spend a lot of time out there among the crowds. We try to accomplish as much as possible on weekdays but yesterday, a Saturday, we were right out there in the midst of the hustle and bustle, along with all the other shoppers.
However, we also took the time to see a movie which is one of our favorite things to do. This time we saw Australia, starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman. I loved the movie..... it stirred so many feelings in me. I did a lot of sniffling and wiped my eyes repeatedly. Today we are going to a free Christmas concert to be performed by the music department at Missouri State University. We plan to dress up for the occasion and perhaps have dinner afterwards.
Oh dear! I just realized another item we need to get at a store! I'm also wondering if I purchased enough wrapping paper. All of these holiday preparations are so much fun and yet so stressful, especially for those of us with anxiety/depression. I think a nice long walk today would go a long way in de-stressing. Sometimes a nap helps too! Be sure to take time to de-stress in whatever way works best for you.
Amidst the holiday hustle and bustle, I hope you will take time to de-stress so you don't wear yourself out completely. My husband and I are doing that on a regular basis this year. As we have gotten older we have realized that we need to take time for us to be alone together........ enjoying some of our usual activities.
Yesterday we finished our Christmas shopping, I think. We always shop for our four children, their spouses and our two grandchildren as well as a few other family members. We don't spend a lot of money but we do spend a lot of time out there among the crowds. We try to accomplish as much as possible on weekdays but yesterday, a Saturday, we were right out there in the midst of the hustle and bustle, along with all the other shoppers.
However, we also took the time to see a movie which is one of our favorite things to do. This time we saw Australia, starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman. I loved the movie..... it stirred so many feelings in me. I did a lot of sniffling and wiped my eyes repeatedly. Today we are going to a free Christmas concert to be performed by the music department at Missouri State University. We plan to dress up for the occasion and perhaps have dinner afterwards.
Oh dear! I just realized another item we need to get at a store! I'm also wondering if I purchased enough wrapping paper. All of these holiday preparations are so much fun and yet so stressful, especially for those of us with anxiety/depression. I think a nice long walk today would go a long way in de-stressing. Sometimes a nap helps too! Be sure to take time to de-stress in whatever way works best for you.
Turkey Day at the Kings
Saturday, November 22nd, 2008by Susan
While preparing to give thanks this Thanksgiving, I have been gathering the food for what we also call Turkey Day at our house. I'm so relieved to say we finally have a new refrigerator and I've spent the last two days going from one grocery store to the next shopping for the holiday bargains and filling up the freezer. I know I got the best prices around for the feast my only daughter and I will prepare on Thursday.
My husband and I are senior citizens and these holiday gatherings cause us a lot stress even though I absolutely love them! Now that's definitely a conflict of emotions! It must be associated with my underlying depression. Last night we realized we are going to have a really crowded table and we're trying to come up with a good solution. No kiddie table for us this year since the only child will be my 18 month old granddaughter. The daughter of my middle son and his wife. Maybe we'll have an old folks table for me and the hubby. Then we can sit back and watch as our children interact with each other. That's always been one of my favorite things to do.
I am especially thankful this year because my oldest son will be home for this holiday. I'm so happy that he is able to come home before going to Iraq in early December. I'm also happy to have my youngest son and his new bride for Thanksgiving this year.
I've seen a lot of funny and touching holiday movies where family members might fight, hug, play games, tease each other and be bored with each other. My family would make a wonderful movie and I'm sure everyone would love it. I think I'll call it "Turkey Day at the Kings ".
Honoring Our Veterans
Tuesday, November 11th, 2008
by Susan
Sunday my husband and I attended a concert honoring our veterans. It was performed by the Music Department at Missouri State University and was very moving. The band played a number of patriotic numbers including an original version of Yankee Doodle. There was dancing, a really tall Uncle Sam on stilts and a guest speaker.
The guest speaker was Ralph Manly a 78 year old veteran of WWII. He was an energetic fellow who had served the United States for many years and was also wounded six times.
Another highlight of the afternoon was the special recognition which was given to all in the audience who served in either the Army, Marines, Air Force, Navy or Coast Guard. The band played the music for each branch of the service as those who served stood and were applauded. My husband stood with the Army. My brother and my father were also in the Army. My oldest son was in the Navy.
I found it especially moving when a single bugler played taps. It brought tears to my eyes as I recalled my father's funeral service. In my opinion, honoring our veterans is one of the most patriotic things we can do.
Sunday my husband and I attended a concert honoring our veterans. It was performed by the Music Department at Missouri State University and was very moving. The band played a number of patriotic numbers including an original version of Yankee Doodle. There was dancing, a really tall Uncle Sam on stilts and a guest speaker.
The guest speaker was Ralph Manly a 78 year old veteran of WWII. He was an energetic fellow who had served the United States for many years and was also wounded six times.
Another highlight of the afternoon was the special recognition which was given to all in the audience who served in either the Army, Marines, Air Force, Navy or Coast Guard. The band played the music for each branch of the service as those who served stood and were applauded. My husband stood with the Army. My brother and my father were also in the Army. My oldest son was in the Navy.
I found it especially moving when a single bugler played taps. It brought tears to my eyes as I recalled my father's funeral service. In my opinion, honoring our veterans is one of the most patriotic things we can do.
You Don’t Know What You’ve Got
Saturday, October 25th, 2008by Susan
Taking people for granted is one of the easiest things to do and one of the hardest things to undo. The same can be said for taking things for granted, whether it be material things or even our own physical or mental health. The bottom line is that we don't know what we've got until we lose it.
We don't fully appreciate the good things in our lives until we no longer have them. Loss of a loved one or a broken relationship can cause us a great deal of pain. Dealing with severe depression or other mental health problems can totally upset our world as we once knew it. Suffering through difficult physical problems can also be extremely stressful. When faced with all of these dilemmas we often wonder what happened to the good times. We often miss them terribly.
We can learn to cherish our good relationships and other things, knowing we will dearly miss them when they are gone. Reach out to those you love now rather than later. You never know when it might be too late. We'll also miss our 'feelin good' days, so let's be sure to take full advantage of all the ones we get.
I loved the music of the 60's and there was a song of the 60's that came to mind the other day after I visited with a dear friend. The song is called "You Don't Know What You've Got (Until You Lose It)" I've posted the lyrics below in case some of you might remember it too. I really liked this song when it was popular and I guess I still do. Thanks for reading this blog.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT (UNTIL YOU LOSE IT)
(George Burton / Paul Hampton)
Ral Donner - 1961
Big Jim Sullivan - 1961
You don't know what you've got until you lose it
You gave me you-your love but I abused it
And now I'm sorry for the things I didn't say
`cause I know now I acted in a foolish way
(oh yeah) uh-huh-huh (oh yeah) oh-oh-yeah
You don't know what you've got until you lose it
You gave me you-your love but I misused it
I never knew how lonely loneliness could be
And now I need you, dear, as you once needed me
(oh yeah) uh-huh-huh (oh yeah) oh-oh-yeah
So now if you'd come to this lonely heart you own
I'd give you all my lovin' like you've never known
(bung, bung, bung, bung)
You don't know what you've got until you lose it
You gave me you-your love but I misused it
And now I'm sorry for the things I didn't say
`cause I know now I acted in a foolish way
(oh yeah) uh-huh-huh (oh yeah) oh-oh-yeah
(oh yeah) uh-huh-huh (oh yeah) oh-oh-yeah
FADE
(oh yeah) uh-huh-huh (oh yeah)
Is Apprehension the Same as Anxiety?
Sunday, October 19th, 2008by Susan
Is apprehension the same thing as anxiety? According to one definition of apprehension in the Encarta Dictionary, apprehension is dread...... a feeling of anxiety or fear that something bad or unpleasant will happen. That sounds pretty much like what most of us feel when we suffer from anxiety. Frequently we feel this sense of dread when faced with decisions both small and large.
There is another definition in the Encarta Dictionary which says apprehension can also mean the power or ability to grasp the importance, significance, or meaning of something. I'm paying special attention to the words "ability to grasp". I believe our ability to grasp a things importance, whether it be an event, an object, a person, or an idea, is vital to our happiness and peace of mind. Sometimes we must research or study certain subjects at length in order to inform ourselves, so that we have the "ability to grasp".
So often when we are not informed or have not yet grasped a situation, we are unsure of ourselves and others. We find it difficult to make decisions and we suffer from anxiety(apprehension) for fear we will make the wrong decision. At times we may spend all our time trying to convince family members and others that we know what is correct. Are we really trying to convince ourselves when we engage in this behavior?
There is a huge weight lifted from our shoulders when we finally do grasp and understand what we are dealing with....and when we finally do make our decision. I believe apprehension, the ability to grasp a situation, is the best way to relieve our apprehension(anxiety) when it comes to making decisions, whether that decision involves where to make a major purchase, who to vote for, what church to attend, or decisions about daily events in our lives. The "ability to grasp" is something most of us can achieve with a little time and effort, thus engaging in a bit of self help. The time and effort spent might just go a long way in relieving our anxiety.
Protect Loved Ones From Resentment
Friday, September 26th, 2008by David
Sometimes we have to protect our loved ones from their own resentment. Imagine you are having a good day and all of a sudden something very unnatural happens. A loved one says something or does something that hurts you or makes you angry. You react and now there are two of you acting in an unnatural way. What if you were able to not react?
Some might call not reacting, turning the other cheek. A lot of people have trouble doing this. Well, this isn't a religion lesson where you feel you must become like a monk to get along in the world by not reacting to your loved ones resentment and/or cruelty. However, if you can stop reacting, you might help them to see what is going on. It takes two to fight. If you remain neutral it doesn't have to mean you are turning the other cheek. It means you're not going to be drawn into a disease I call resentment.
Your loved ones don't know how to cope with neutrality. You may not know either. but looking at it the right way may change your mind about it. The world is full of people who think their way is the right way and at the snap of a finger can become resentful, angry or even violent towards someone.
If someone takes their resentment out on you, neutralize the situation or take a break. After all, you may be wrong. If we harbor resentment we can't see that we are sometimes wrong because we can't see anything clearly. Take care of your little corner of the world, your friends, your loved ones............and you.
Can We Ever Take It Back?
Sunday, September 21st, 2008by Susan
Most of us who suffer from depression have had problems in our relationships with family members and other loved ones. Sometimes our loved ones are also depressed. I think depression causes us to be more susceptible to anger and hurt. We feel hurt by what we believe are slights......these slights may simply be others stating their opinions or living their lives. Sometimes we lash out in anger. Can we ever take it back?
We can of course, apologize and say we didn't mean it. We can try to help the other person mend their hurt feelings. Or, if an apology isn't in order, we can give it time. Regardless of what we do or don't do, the loved one will probably never forget what we said or did, even after they forgive us. They may even begin to lash out at us.
In my opinion we can take back the words but we can't take back the pain those words caused. We can only hope our loved ones forgive us and continue to have a relationship with us. We've seen them forgive others who caused them prolonged periods of pain, so we have hope.
Lashing out at someone because they caused you pain seems like an effort to cause them pain, even though we are really only expressing ourselves. Too much lashing out could do irreparable damage to the relationship. We can't take back the pain. We can use caution with our words in the future even when we are depressed. Perhaps, realizing that our loved one is also depressed will help us to stop lashing out.
Taking someone else's depression into account when we are hurting is hard to do, but knowing we can't take back the pain we inflict, might help us think carefully before lashing out. There have been occasions when I wish I had thought carefully of the other persons' feelings before I expressed my own. However, like others who are depressed, I have a tendency not to express my feelings until I am hurting and wishing someone could take away the pain.
