I'm doing a little better now. It always seems to me that I battle depression by taking baby steps towards feeling better. It's been difficult to deal with family relationships lately because not one person in the family wants to talk about what happened between my older sister and myself. I have to do all my talking to myself. Now that sounds like a crazy person for sure. lol
I think the recovery process takes longer when not one person who was involved in the mayhem wants to be involved in the healing now. Pretending nothing happened and going on about our business is the method that has always been used in my family of origin. I personally hate that method and believe it only causes bad feelings to fester.
Taking baby steps and sharing my feelings with my husband have both been helpful. One of the steps I have taken is to focus my attention on my Dad's journal. I've been typing it one page at a time and sharing it on the family Website for all the relatives to see. Most of them didn't know he had even written a journal. I've been enjoying this project and it is helping me to heal. I believe one family member is sending the documents to my sister who was banned from the site...and that's okay.
I've felt sad about banning her and would take her back in a minute if she ever wants to talk with me about our differences. I couldn't let her continue to treat me with disrespect on the family site though. Overall, the family site is a farce. People aren't interested in sharing their lives with each other. The younger folks enjoyed reading the memories of the older ones and everyone enjoys the pictures a few of us have posted. However, participation by most members is very low....and always has been.
It's not healthy when a 65 year old person is still upset by members of their family of origin. You would think by now, I would be able block their words and actions from hurting me. I'll never forget something my Dad said to me when I was a teen. I had complained to him about something my sisters said or did and his response was, "you know how your sisters are". To this day I still know....but still wish it wasn't so.
Archive for the ‘His and Hers’ Category
Battling Depression With Baby Steps
Saturday, February 4th, 2012Depression, a Battle Again!
Wednesday, January 18th, 2012
I wonder if it's just this time of year that has me fighting the battle of depression again. I know the holidays are famous for people being depressed but my worst time is after they are over. It's probably because the weather gets cold and I have a tendency to get sick. I'm plagued with sinus infections. It also gets lonesome.
Since I booted my older sister from the family site, I've felt really sad that once again our relationship bombed. I don't think it's possible for her to like me. A number of people said, "good" when I told them she was gone. It was obvious how hateful she was being. I'm sure many think otherwise and I still feel like crawling back in my hole but here I am.
I've been studying my Dad's journal. He wrote it in the '80's and I've had it all this time. He passed away in 1990. I have read bits and pieces over the years but never really delved into it much....it was too painful. It's still painful, but now I'm not only reading it but posting it for my brother, remaining two sisters and other relatives to see. This is probably not helping my depression but it feels like something I need to do right now. He sure loved his family!
I feel much love for my family and that is always what gets me through these really bad bouts of depression. Right now knowing my son will be over later today, or knowing I'll see my granddaughter this weekend are great things that motivate me to get up and do something. I've been gaining weight and really hope I will manage to motivate myself to do something about that soon.
I really think motivation is the key to winning the battle against depression. I'm trying hard to muster up my motivation this time.
Since I booted my older sister from the family site, I've felt really sad that once again our relationship bombed. I don't think it's possible for her to like me. A number of people said, "good" when I told them she was gone. It was obvious how hateful she was being. I'm sure many think otherwise and I still feel like crawling back in my hole but here I am.
I've been studying my Dad's journal. He wrote it in the '80's and I've had it all this time. He passed away in 1990. I have read bits and pieces over the years but never really delved into it much....it was too painful. It's still painful, but now I'm not only reading it but posting it for my brother, remaining two sisters and other relatives to see. This is probably not helping my depression but it feels like something I need to do right now. He sure loved his family!
I feel much love for my family and that is always what gets me through these really bad bouts of depression. Right now knowing my son will be over later today, or knowing I'll see my granddaughter this weekend are great things that motivate me to get up and do something. I've been gaining weight and really hope I will manage to motivate myself to do something about that soon.
I really think motivation is the key to winning the battle against depression. I'm trying hard to muster up my motivation this time.
New Year, Same Old Depression
Friday, January 6th, 2012
Happy New Year everyone!
I haven't written for quite a while because I wasn't feeling depressed. Now that the holidays are over, the same old depression is trying to seep back into my days. I'm resisting the best I can. How are all of you doing fighting off depression?
I feel very fortunate to have this blog and so many faithful followers. I appreciate you! I also need to try and appreciate myself. That sounds strange but...it's something I find difficult to do all the time and even more so when I get the blues.
I have family members who frequently talk about their accomplishments. I don't understand how they are able to do that. After I've heard or read plenty of that, I start wondering what I might say about my accomplishments. I wonder getting out of bed and making it through another day, or managing not to eat all the chocolate at once, would impress anyone.
Recently, I did a good thing for my extended family. I started a family group website so that we could all communicate and share pictures. Several of my sisters wanted a family site but they didn't know how to accomplish it. I was able to set it up and I felt a sense of accomplishment. Even more recently, this good thing that I did has turned into my worst nightmare! My sisters are cruel and their cruelty is usually directed at me. It's causing me a lot of stress and increased depression just dealing with them again.
I guess there was a lot to be said for the "isolationism" I had been practicing for the past several years. I don't really want to return to that but this emotional pain is very difficult. Thank you for reading this. I hope I haven't been too much of a whiner. I would appreciate any feedback you can give me.
I haven't written for quite a while because I wasn't feeling depressed. Now that the holidays are over, the same old depression is trying to seep back into my days. I'm resisting the best I can. How are all of you doing fighting off depression?
I feel very fortunate to have this blog and so many faithful followers. I appreciate you! I also need to try and appreciate myself. That sounds strange but...it's something I find difficult to do all the time and even more so when I get the blues.
I have family members who frequently talk about their accomplishments. I don't understand how they are able to do that. After I've heard or read plenty of that, I start wondering what I might say about my accomplishments. I wonder getting out of bed and making it through another day, or managing not to eat all the chocolate at once, would impress anyone.
Recently, I did a good thing for my extended family. I started a family group website so that we could all communicate and share pictures. Several of my sisters wanted a family site but they didn't know how to accomplish it. I was able to set it up and I felt a sense of accomplishment. Even more recently, this good thing that I did has turned into my worst nightmare! My sisters are cruel and their cruelty is usually directed at me. It's causing me a lot of stress and increased depression just dealing with them again.
I guess there was a lot to be said for the "isolationism" I had been practicing for the past several years. I don't really want to return to that but this emotional pain is very difficult. Thank you for reading this. I hope I haven't been too much of a whiner. I would appreciate any feedback you can give me.
Take Your Own Advice
Wednesday, March 30th, 2011
Here I am again.....blogging in an effort to make myself feel better. Have you ever noticed that you have good ideas and advice for depressed friends and relatives but can't seem to help yourself? Well, maybe it's time we take our own advice.
I usually have good suggestions for those who are having a hard time with depression, stress or anxiety. my ideas range from seeking professional help to taking a walk outside to patting yourself on the back. I guess I'm weighing my options right now and am trying to decide what idea would be most helpful to me this time. I've done all of the "advised" things at one time or another in my life. Are we supposed to keep doing them forever?
I have hopes that my spirits will improve dramatically when the weather finally does. This has been one of the longest and dreariest Winters and early Springs that I've ever experienced here in Southwest Missouri. Sunshine has been scarce and we've had way too much rain and snow.
When the weather is decent I will need to figure out where to put the perennials I brought here from our old house. I feel like I don't know where to start, even though this yard is very small compared to what we had. Have I lost my confidence? Yes, I think so. It's easy to do when someone else gripes about your abilities and choices and shows no interest in what you want to do.
I bought two six packs of happy looking pansies the other day and they are waiting for me on the front porch. Maybe soon I can get out there to put them in a pot in the sunshine. Maybe......
I usually have good suggestions for those who are having a hard time with depression, stress or anxiety. my ideas range from seeking professional help to taking a walk outside to patting yourself on the back. I guess I'm weighing my options right now and am trying to decide what idea would be most helpful to me this time. I've done all of the "advised" things at one time or another in my life. Are we supposed to keep doing them forever?
I have hopes that my spirits will improve dramatically when the weather finally does. This has been one of the longest and dreariest Winters and early Springs that I've ever experienced here in Southwest Missouri. Sunshine has been scarce and we've had way too much rain and snow.
When the weather is decent I will need to figure out where to put the perennials I brought here from our old house. I feel like I don't know where to start, even though this yard is very small compared to what we had. Have I lost my confidence? Yes, I think so. It's easy to do when someone else gripes about your abilities and choices and shows no interest in what you want to do.
I bought two six packs of happy looking pansies the other day and they are waiting for me on the front porch. Maybe soon I can get out there to put them in a pot in the sunshine. Maybe......
Depressed Again!
Thursday, March 24th, 2011
I'm really depressed again after a short reprieve from the angry beast. I guess it's time for me to start blogging again because I believe it helps. Please bear with me as I try to work through my problems in public. I hope I can do this, anyway.
We moved in November and we've fought a lot ever since the move.....well, prior to the move and during the move too. It's been a difficult adjustment for both of us. The holidays were hard because holidays are just hard even if you haven't just moved. Our occasional Spring like day has been helpful and I'm hoping for more of that.
Today however, it is chilly and dreary. I didn't want to get out of bed. I know I need help when I have lots of interesting things to do but am not motivated to do any of them. One of my biggest problems is the feeling that I don't know where to start. If I could just make myself start then I know I would become enthused about whatever I undertook.
Maybe writing on this blog again is the start I need. I sure hope so. I appreciate all the comments my readers have made and I hope you will continue reading and commenting.
We moved in November and we've fought a lot ever since the move.....well, prior to the move and during the move too. It's been a difficult adjustment for both of us. The holidays were hard because holidays are just hard even if you haven't just moved. Our occasional Spring like day has been helpful and I'm hoping for more of that.
Today however, it is chilly and dreary. I didn't want to get out of bed. I know I need help when I have lots of interesting things to do but am not motivated to do any of them. One of my biggest problems is the feeling that I don't know where to start. If I could just make myself start then I know I would become enthused about whatever I undertook.
Maybe writing on this blog again is the start I need. I sure hope so. I appreciate all the comments my readers have made and I hope you will continue reading and commenting.
Three Ways Yoga Reduces Stress and Anxiety
Friday, February 18th, 2011Here is a guest post for you to enjoy. It is written by one of my online friends, Maria Rainer. I took yoga classes for approximately two years and can tell you that yoga really does help a lot with one's anxiety level.
Yoga does more than help your balance, core fitness and flexibility - it helps to reduce anxiety and relieve stress. With the hustle and bustle of today’s society, it’s normal for people to stress about life, money, work, family and whatever else causes daily anxiety. Yoga relieves and reduces stress in three ways:
1. Through regulated inhaling and exhaling breaths. As you inhale, you're sending more oxygen to the brain, which stimulates your nervous system. Exhaling helps regulate this process and releases toxins from your bloodstream, helping your body relax. The double leg raise and certain yoga breaths like alternative nostril breathing are great ways to send oxygen to the brain and circulation to your body thus reducing stress levels.
2. Meditation and relaxation helps you find your center and focus, while using your regulated breaths to relax the mind. Once the mind is relaxed, you're able to transfer your relaxation to the rest of your body while meditating and focusing on this process. Meditation helps you focus on quieting the mind and finding your inner strength when stressful situations arise.
3. Through regulated breathing and meditation, you're able to focus and block out outside noises while focusing on your inner self and your inner strength. This aspect of yoga is also vital for focusing on your breathing and meditation. This may be one of the harder aspects of yoga to grasp – being able to focus and not become distracted with inner thoughts and outside noise. Focus and lack thereof is a major contributor to daily stress; with so much going on, we can struggle to focus on accomplishing one task before we can complete another.
Once you've mastered the aspects of breathing, meditation and focusing through yoga, you're able to calm your nervous system, relax your mind and block out outside noises, which are all contributors of stress.
Bio: Maria Rainier is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident blogger at First in Education, researching various online degree programs and blogging about student life. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.
Thank You
Saturday, November 27th, 2010
Today I'd like to dedicate this blog to all of my readers and say Thank You for your continued support. I really appreciate you and all of your comments too. This morning I finally had a chance to read and approve a number of comments that had been made during our recent move. I apologize for taking so long in getting them posted here on the blog.
I sincerely hope all of you had a good Thanksgiving Day and are still enjoying the holiday weekend. We are still in the moving process but I'm very grateful to have our computers hooked up and working again. A week without computers, phones or television wouldn't have been much fun if we hadn't been so busy. I imagine we'll be trying to find a place for everything and settling in all winter.
Again, thank you all for reading this blog and for returning again and again to see what's new. I hope to write soon about the roller coaster of depression and anxiety and fatigue I've had during our moving process......so be sure and check back with His and Hers.
I sincerely hope all of you had a good Thanksgiving Day and are still enjoying the holiday weekend. We are still in the moving process but I'm very grateful to have our computers hooked up and working again. A week without computers, phones or television wouldn't have been much fun if we hadn't been so busy. I imagine we'll be trying to find a place for everything and settling in all winter.
Again, thank you all for reading this blog and for returning again and again to see what's new. I hope to write soon about the roller coaster of depression and anxiety and fatigue I've had during our moving process......so be sure and check back with His and Hers.
Sending a Child to Iraq
Friday, December 12th, 2008
Yesterday my oldest son left for Iraq. It's feels very sad and depressing. It also causes me a lot of anxiety knowing he is in harm's way. I will have him on my mind and in my heart and can only hope I will continue to function in a normal manner while he is gone.
I have a lot of admiration for Sarah Palin who sent her son to Iraq during her Vice Presidential campaign recently. I wondered at the time how she could continue campaigning in the public eye when her heart had to be filled with pain. I guess we all go through difficult things and keep on going.......if we are strong enough.
I have three other children and two wonderful grandchildren. I am trying to focus my attention on giving them a good Christmas this year in spite of the dire economy. I've been staying very busy making preparations for the biggest holiday of the year at our house. The dreary days of January and February are when I'll have the hardest time worrying about my oldest son. I don't think he will be gone too long and will definitely look forward to his return.
Thank you for reading and please keep my son, and all other sons serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, in your prayers this Christmas.
Please visit:
Ozzie's Place
I have a lot of admiration for Sarah Palin who sent her son to Iraq during her Vice Presidential campaign recently. I wondered at the time how she could continue campaigning in the public eye when her heart had to be filled with pain. I guess we all go through difficult things and keep on going.......if we are strong enough.
I have three other children and two wonderful grandchildren. I am trying to focus my attention on giving them a good Christmas this year in spite of the dire economy. I've been staying very busy making preparations for the biggest holiday of the year at our house. The dreary days of January and February are when I'll have the hardest time worrying about my oldest son. I don't think he will be gone too long and will definitely look forward to his return.
Thank you for reading and please keep my son, and all other sons serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, in your prayers this Christmas.
Please visit:
Ozzie's Place
After the Party’s Over
Sunday, November 30th, 2008by Susan
I'm usually exhausted after the party is over....this time the party was Thanksgiving at the King's. I was exhausted by Saturday, but pleased with the way my dinner turned out on Thursday and the fun we all had. I think my children and grandchildren thoroughly enjoyed their time here. I really enjoyed having all of them. I'm rested today and starting to plan the next party which will be Christmas at the King's.
I had a few minor mishaps while preparing the dinner but all turned out well. My daughter was ill so my husband was my right hand in the kitchen this year. We ate dinner and visited for nearly two hours. Some of us took a walk after dinner since it was a beautiful day here in the Ozarks. One of my sons joined us while the other two and their dad reclined in their easy chairs and chuckled about us , harassing my youngest son for joining us.
We all ate leftovers on Friday evening and now the food and the family are gone. My only grandson was able to come for leftovers on Friday and was amazed that I still had pumpkin pie left. I told him I made two pumpkin pies this year. I also made brownies.....a favorite of all my kids and an apple cake, which was a big success.
Saturday morning at 4:00 a.m. my oldest son and I were playing our traditional game of Scrabble before he had to catch his plane to head back home. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers as he heads to Iraq in about two weeks.
Turkey Day at the Kings
Saturday, November 22nd, 2008by Susan
While preparing to give thanks this Thanksgiving, I have been gathering the food for what we also call Turkey Day at our house. I'm so relieved to say we finally have a new refrigerator and I've spent the last two days going from one grocery store to the next shopping for the holiday bargains and filling up the freezer. I know I got the best prices around for the feast my only daughter and I will prepare on Thursday.
My husband and I are senior citizens and these holiday gatherings cause us a lot stress even though I absolutely love them! Now that's definitely a conflict of emotions! It must be associated with my underlying depression. Last night we realized we are going to have a really crowded table and we're trying to come up with a good solution. No kiddie table for us this year since the only child will be my 18 month old granddaughter. The daughter of my middle son and his wife. Maybe we'll have an old folks table for me and the hubby. Then we can sit back and watch as our children interact with each other. That's always been one of my favorite things to do.
I am especially thankful this year because my oldest son will be home for this holiday. I'm so happy that he is able to come home before going to Iraq in early December. I'm also happy to have my youngest son and his new bride for Thanksgiving this year.
I've seen a lot of funny and touching holiday movies where family members might fight, hug, play games, tease each other and be bored with each other. My family would make a wonderful movie and I'm sure everyone would love it. I think I'll call it "Turkey Day at the Kings ".