Archive for the ‘life’ Category

I Wish I Looked Different

Friday, September 12th, 2008
by Susan

Sometimes I really wish I looked different.   We go through life with this one body and even though we try to keep it healthy and looking it's best we may be dissatisfied with how we look.   I am.  Women like myself, who are senior citizens, probably understand very well how this dissatisfaction with our appearance can worsen with age. 

I keep hoping I will get to the point where I'm comfortable wearing red and purple, and don't care too much anymore about how I look, but I'm not there yet.   My self esteem has always been connected to how I feel about my appearance.  Lately, I haven't had good self esteem. 

My hair is thinning and my waistline is thickening.   I know both of these things often happen to senior citizens in spite of exercise and eating right.   I know aging is a normal process but by golly......we don't have to like it.   I want to age gracefully and happily and I know acceptance is the key to achieving that wish.   I'm just not ready.  I wish I looked different.........younger, thinner and happier.  

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.   According to one article I found, many people are actually Obsessing On Body Image.   I'm not obsessing yet, but just having a rant tonight.   Thanks for reading. 

Liverpool Legends: His and Hers

Thursday, July 31st, 2008
by Susan

Last night I saw Liverpool Legends in concert in Branson, Missouri.   My husband and I had been feeling a bit depressed the past week or so and decided to take a break from our routine.  We drove to Branson where there are many excellent music shows to choose from.  On the recommendation of my brother, David, we chose to see Liverpool Legends.  

The Liverpool Legends are four very talented musician/actors who were hand chosen by Louise Harrison who is the sister of the late George Harrison, one of the Beatles.   Together, Louise and the Liverpool Legends put on a magnificent two hour show of Beatle music.   It was wonderful and I felt as though I had gone back in life to my high school days when I swooned with everyone else with Beatlemania.  

The show was great entertainment for any family and there were plenty of families in attendance.   My husband and I enjoyed interacting with the rest of the audience and along with the Liverpool Legends.   We clapped to the music, swayed back and forth and also whooped and hollered.   From "I Want to Hold Your Hand" to "Hey Jude" we were having so much fun!  It's no wonder this group was voted Best Band in Branson in 2006 and 2007. 

Needless to say, we did not feel any depression during the concert.  Today I've also been free of depressed feelings and have talked about the concert to anyone who would listen.   I think, taking a break from daily routines is sometimes just what we need to jump start interest and enthusiasm in something outside of ourselves.  

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A Free Life……….by Susan

Monday, May 19th, 2008
On Mother's Day my youngest son took me to the movies.  It takes us about thirty minutes to drive to the theater and during the ride he played one of his music CD's for me.   He told me I would like this CD and he was right.  It's called Free Life and is by a solo artist named Dan Wilson who was formerly with the group Semisonic.

As I was listening to the song, Free Life, I was struck by the beautiful simplicity of the lyrics.  He says "one life is all we ever get".   One Free Life!   Just think of what a wondrous gift we each received, free!  After hearing the song, I felt as if I had listened to an important sermon or speech.  I felt grateful for my free life.

I think along with feeling grateful for my life, I feel a renewed sense of responsibility to make my free life the best life I can by continuing to improve my family relationships and my overall mental health.   I plan to keep up my fight against depression and anxiety and encourage others to do the same.   It's really true......one life is all we ever get.   

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Rain, Rain, Go Away……….by Susan

Thursday, April 10th, 2008
Right now the sun is shining in Southwest Missouri and I hope it stays that way for a while.  Rain in Missouri and Arkansas during the past few months has caused severe flooding and destruction, over and over again.   We've had way too many dreary, rainy days.  It's not only hard on those who are in the flood areas but also on those of us on higher ground enduring the onslought of sadness that often accompanies bad weather. 

Fortunately, I live about two houses uphill from a large ditch that floods my neighbors yards.   Tonight the city has turned off our water while workers attempt to repair water lines near that ditch.  No showers, laundry or washing of dishes this evening.   That work can wait but the work of overcoming the sadness and depression brought on by inclement weather is something that can't wait. 

My husband and I took a brisk walk in the recently appearing sunshine and that was very helpful in chasing away the sadness.   A bowl of ice cream seems like a good idea to me as well.  I hope writing on this blog, watching a good television program later and a good night's sleep will help me feel more like myself tomorrow.  What kinds of things help you overcome sadness brought on by bad weather?  

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Do You Have Compassion for Those With Depression?…….by Susan

Saturday, April 5th, 2008
Recently, my brother wrote a couple of articles in which he has praised me for my compassion and empathy regarding his problems with depression.  I've heard the same praise from others who I am in close contact with.  However, I have also been criticized by some family members and friends for this quality.  Some say it is enabling. 

Do you have compassion for those with depression?  Is it a good thing?  I recently read a very interesting article on the subject and want to share it with you.  Here is the article, Learn to Be Compassionate.   I hope you will read this article and then make comments here on my blog as to your thoughts about having compassion for those suffering with depression. 

Depression is a monster who attacks most people at least during some period of time in their lives.  It can be a temporary thing such as the loss felt after losing a loved one, or losing a job.  Even if your depression is a temporary, one time event, you will need others who can empathize and be compassionate toward you and what you are experiencing. 

Please try to understand those who are suffering from depression.  They are fighting a battle for their very lives.  We can enable them to win that battle with our understanding and compassion.  

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Feeling Guilty for My Bad Mood……..by Susan

Tuesday, April 1st, 2008
Do you think we need to feel guilty for being in a bad mood?   Well, I do feel guilty.   My bad moods don't usually result in my treating anyone poorly although I might bite someone's head off occasionally.   I don't do that nearly as often as I used to.

I have discovered lately that if I get over tired I will soon be in a grumpy mood.  Often I feel tired and don't feel like it's okay to rest.   Feeling like it's not okay to stop working at whatever I'm working on, is what often causes my bad mood.  Feeling like I have to take care of others even though I don't feel like it, will also bring on a bad mood. 

Another thing that can cause me to be in a bad mood is being in the middle of something and having other family members interrupt me with what they believe is a more important thing for me to be doing.  I have to admit that now and then just being interrupted for a short conversation can cause those bad mood feelings to start stirring inside me. 

These are a few of the things that add to my feelings of guilt when I've been in a bad mood.  I think the guilt stems from the old belief that whatever I'm doing, whoever I am, whatever I want, is not okay.  Most of us with depression have plenty of feelings of guilt too.  If we could get rid of our guilty feelings, I'm betting our depression would improve by leaps and bounds. 

Thanks for reading this blog article.  I guess you could say I had one of my bad moods today and just needed to rant and rave about it a little while. 

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Anticipation or Social Anxiety……..by Susan

Thursday, March 20th, 2008
Many people who suffer from depression also have problems with social anxiety.   I'm one of those many.  Sometimes I find it difficult to distinguish eager anticipation from social anxiety.   I often mistake eager anticipation for anxiety, and vice versa.   I can only assume other people have similar experiences.

When waiting for visitors to arrive at our home, I frequently feel a mixture of eager anticipation and dreadful social anxiety.   Actually..... I think I'm feeling a little of both at the same time.   As you can already tell, I'm easily confused about just exactly what it is I'm feeling when awaiting a social situation. 

Prior to my visitors arrival, I worry about how the house looks and how I look.  I tend to fuss over silly details.  After my visitors arrive or the social interaction gets underway, I usually become much more relaxed and begin to enjoy myself. 

The most maddening thing for me is to feel this way not only when I'm expecting "visitors" but also when expecting family members, including my own adult children.   My daughter told me recently that she had seen me at my very worst plenty of times, so don't worry.  I think that's great advice but very hard advice to follow when you suffer from chronic anxiety.  I keep her words in mind and work towards doing less worrying when it comes to social interactions.   That's a step in the right direction, right?  

I Want My Normal Depressed Self Back………by Susan

Friday, March 14th, 2008
On February 28th I had surgery to remove my gall bladder.   It was a simple laproscopic surgery and I had hoped to be back to "my" normal but somewhat depressed self by now.  

I'm disappointed with how slowly I am recovering despite following all the doctors' orders.   Maybe it has to do with my age or my general not too healthy condition, but whatever is slowing my recovery is also increasing my depression.   I want to be back to "my" state of normal!  A mild case of depression is "my" normal state of being.   These past few weeks have been an exception and I don't like it one bit!  I'm sure my family hasn't enjoyed it much either. 

My husband and I get out and walk every day which is a big help to both my mental and physical health.   When I can't walk outside, I pace the floors inside to get the exercise I know I need.   In fact, I have contributed greatly to wearing out our carpet.  I'm also wearing out our recliner and watching a lot of movies.  I am enjoying the movies!  

It's great to no longer have the daily nausea associated with my failing gall bladder.  Lingering problems with healing are just as unpleasant for the time being.  Fatigue seems to be controlling my days and evenings, so I haven't been on the computer as much as I would like to be.  In my opinion fatigue and depression go hand in hand.  I've experienced that many times before without having had surgery.   On a good note, in spite of my general inactivity following surgery, I've actually lost a few pounds! 

Wish me well and I'll try not to whine too many more times.  

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Know Who You are Ahead of Time………by David

Sunday, March 9th, 2008

We are all as fair minded as we are going to be, at least for the time being anyway.   We may bend a little from time to time depending on different circumstances.   I feel a person needs to realize this ahead of time, so as not to be manipulated by others.   Know who you are ahead of time!

Some people will try to make you feel guilty in an effort to get more out of you.  They will attempt to get you to bend a lot more than you otherwise would.  That is when some important clichés should come into effect such as “Stick to your guns” and “If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for everything.”   Know ahead of time who you are. 

There are abused women all over the country who don’t know who they are.  They are made to feel guilty and through the guise of her man, he gets what he wants, whether it be sex or worship or both, usually both.  These women lack the confidence to know who they are ahead of time.  

We all know ahead of time there are certain things we won’t do such as going around taking our clothes off in public, robbing stores or shooting people.   These may be extreme examples, but they are examples that most of us can give a clear yes or no answer to as far as whether we would do them or not.  Well, I believe we can condition ourselves and change our lives by extending that principle to all aspects of our everyday living.

Will we allow people to manipulate us?  Yes or no?  If we are so lonely that we put up with that kind of behavior from people, then maybe there is no hope.   Did you like seeing the words, no hope?  I sure didn’t.  I don’t even know you and I wouldn’t wish that on you or anyone!

If you were in Missouri and you were going to drive to California, you shouldn't end up in Maine.  You would want to follow a road map which is what I think we all need in our everyday lives, along with the most important words, yes or no.....not maybe!


Children, Reflections of Your Self…….by David

Sunday, February 24th, 2008
Never let it be said that you don't try the best you can, the best you are able to, when it comes to important things like your children.  Sometimes due to the stress of everyday living, bills, relationships, our past life and our problems coping in the present, our children tend to slip down the list of our priorities. 

Well, now that I have sugar-coated it real nice-like, have you ever heard the saying, "The buck stops here"?  You are not going to help your kids with their current problems by giving them advice, not after they have become teens and older.  Not after they have become really screwed up because of your example.

I am a firm believe that when you become 18, you are on your own.  You must retain the positive traits your parents have instilled in you and reject the negative.  Try presenting that concept to your 18 year old, but have your ears covered when they respond with advice on where you need to go.

It took me until I was 50 years of age before I started accepting the positive and rejecting the negative traits of my parents.  Best get your kids and your grandkids to the top of your priority list.  That's what comes first, next keep your mouth shut.  They don't want your advice, they need your example and it's never too late to start setting that example. 

Don't even bother, if money, a new house, a new car, a job, or other things are more important to you.  I will feel sorry for you, when you are looking out the window 40 years from now longing for someone to come and visit you. 

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