Archive for the ‘Lifestyle’ Category

Perfectionism: Do Your Worst!

Monday, August 4th, 2008

The Perfect Lawn

I spent 16 hours in a row to get an animated graphic to work properly on a website. That’s very sad. I’m a perfectionist, and on that occasion I was out of control.

Perfectionism is tricky. A little bit can make you strive hard; too much and you’re susceptible to stress, anxiety and even depression. Where is the line between the two?

Here is a comparison from the University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Center.

A perfectionist:
- sets standards beyond reach and reason
- is never satisfied by less than perfection
- becomes dysfunctionally depressed when experiences failure
- is preoccupied with fear of failure and disapproval
- sees mistakes as evidence of unworthiness
- becomes overly defensive when criticized

A healthy striver:
- sets high standards, just beyond reach
- enjoys the process as well as the outcome
- bounces back from failure and disappointment quickly and with energy
- keeps normal anxiety and fear of failure and disapproval within normal bounds
- sees mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning
- reacts positively to helpful criticism.

Perfectionism is destructive and people seek and receive treatment for it. CBT is the norm. To me the hardest thing is seeing when aiming high is getting out of hand and becoming destructive.

Writing this post is a good case in point. I should have a stopwatch on.

There are questionnaires at the BBC and Discovery Health that can give you an indication of where you lie on the scale. If you do just one then I think the shorter Discovery Health is better.

Posted in Anxiety, cause of depression, coping with depression, fear of failure, Healthy Mind, Lifestyle, Lifestyle, perfectionism, perfectionist | Comments Off

“Out of Clutter, Find Simplicity”

Monday, March 3rd, 2008

Simplifying is about streamlining your life; removing the distractions that aren’t important to you. By freeing up time, money, and energy, you can give more attention to staying well and to your highest priorities. If there is complexity in your life, then it will affect your ability to cope with depression. A good tonic is to simplify.

If you want to rationalize then the place to start is your goals and values. What is really important to you? How are you going to spend your allotted time on earth?

In my view “simplifying” is synonomous with “removing clutter”, and there are 3 kinds that I take to.

1. Physical clutter

When I buy something it owns me, not the other way around. My time, energy and effort goes into looking after it. What can I throw out instead? If this is you, then ask yourself what something will do for you every time you’re about to buy. Will it add to your life somehow? Or will it quickly become obsolete and a burden?

2. Lifestyle clutter

Are you committed to so many activities that you rush from one to the next, often running late and feeling stressed? Do you work back each night, bearing more and more of the workload? Do you find it hard to say no to new committments? Busyness is the new disease of the western world, but we, especially we, need to wake up and smell the roses. The stress of a rushed life is much harder for us mentally ill people to bear. We need to straighten our priorities, learn to say no, set reasonable schedules and not feel guilty about it.

Over the last few years I’ve learned the beauty and power of the word “No”. It’s OK to say no, and I’ve found that it actually garners respect. Everyone has to set boundaries on their life, but boundaries are only respected if you hold firmly to them. We need to focus on the most important things in our lives, like key relationships or spiritual growth.

3. Mental Clutter

I often have lots of things buzzing around in my head, but nothing gets my full attention, and nothing gets finished. (No doubt my love of strong, locally grown coffee is partly to blame.) When I start to feel overwhelmed I ask my wife to help me gain perspective. We work out the things that I actually need to do, not just things I’ve compulsively collected in a real or imagined to-do list over the previous fortnight. Some of the things are so menial, but they get put on a list and find a corner of my cluttered mind in a weak or manic moment. All of these have to go, so I can feel in control again. This has a wider application, as many depressed people have the same feeling of loss of control. I know that my very worst depressive episodes have been accompanied by this. Putting my mind into some kind of order, or decluttering, is a great help.

More reading:
http://zenhabits.net/2007/08/peaceful-simplicity-how-to-live-a-life-of-contentment/
http://zenhabits.net/2007/09/simple-living-simplified-10-things-you-can-do-today-to-simplify-your-life/
http://www.slowdownnow.org/

Posted in Lifestyle, Lifestyle | Comments Off

How Can You Better Spend 2.6 Hours a Day?

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007

Time Use Survey

The Bureau of Labor Statistics recently published the Time Use Survey for the U.S. in 2006. The chart for leisure time on an average day, for ages 15 and over, appears above.

The most striking thing about the chart is its neat division down the center. Just over half of all leisure time is spent consuming TV. TV makes up more than all of the other leisure activities combined. If you add in use of the computer for leisure, then total “screen” time is getting close to 60% of the pie.

I posted recently about the rubbish being shown on TV. It is full of stress and negative energy. Good news and happy endings just don’t sell. TV is especially unhelpful for us people with mood disorders.

My wife Anna told me tonight that the type of TV program that I watch has a big impact on my mood. A movie that is very violent, dark or disturbing can trigger or worsen a depressive episode. Even the nightly news can trigger symptoms like anger and irritability. At the same time relaxing in front of a comedy or light, airy movie can be helpful. It took Anna about 5 years to figure this out. Longer for me.

In your life, how much time do you spend on the right hand side of the pie? How much can you move across to the left, and what other categories of leisure can you add in that will benefit your health?

On a slight tangent, I’m interested to hear how other parents manage leisure time for their kids.

I’m not saying that I’ve sorted it all out, but for the moment I like the rules in place for our 3 kids (ages 4, 7 and 9). Firstly we don’t distinguish between TV, DVDs, Nintendo, etc. We let them have 45 minutes of “screen time” on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, and 1 hour 20 minutes on Saturdays and Sundays. Mondays and Tuesdays are “screen free days”. The exceptions are schoolwork and “typing tutor” (which is gathering dust).

Looking at the above chart I can see that we are strict parents, but it’s fair to say that the kids have a good balance of leisure activities. Much better than I do! And of course, if I’m alone at home with the kids and I’m ill, the screen rules disappear pronto.

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Posted in depression, leisure, Lifestyle, Lifestyle, Mental Health | Comments Off