I'm doing a little better now. It always seems to me that I battle depression by taking baby steps towards feeling better. It's been difficult to deal with family relationships lately because not one person in the family wants to talk about what happened between my older sister and myself. I have to do all my talking to myself. Now that sounds like a crazy person for sure. lol
I think the recovery process takes longer when not one person who was involved in the mayhem wants to be involved in the healing now. Pretending nothing happened and going on about our business is the method that has always been used in my family of origin. I personally hate that method and believe it only causes bad feelings to fester.
Taking baby steps and sharing my feelings with my husband have both been helpful. One of the steps I have taken is to focus my attention on my Dad's journal. I've been typing it one page at a time and sharing it on the family Website for all the relatives to see. Most of them didn't know he had even written a journal. I've been enjoying this project and it is helping me to heal. I believe one family member is sending the documents to my sister who was banned from the site...and that's okay.
I've felt sad about banning her and would take her back in a minute if she ever wants to talk with me about our differences. I couldn't let her continue to treat me with disrespect on the family site though. Overall, the family site is a farce. People aren't interested in sharing their lives with each other. The younger folks enjoyed reading the memories of the older ones and everyone enjoys the pictures a few of us have posted. However, participation by most members is very low....and always has been.
It's not healthy when a 65 year old person is still upset by members of their family of origin. You would think by now, I would be able block their words and actions from hurting me. I'll never forget something my Dad said to me when I was a teen. I had complained to him about something my sisters said or did and his response was, "you know how your sisters are". To this day I still know....but still wish it wasn't so.
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
Battling Depression With Baby Steps
Saturday, February 4th, 2012Depression, a Battle Again!
Wednesday, January 18th, 2012
I wonder if it's just this time of year that has me fighting the battle of depression again. I know the holidays are famous for people being depressed but my worst time is after they are over. It's probably because the weather gets cold and I have a tendency to get sick. I'm plagued with sinus infections. It also gets lonesome.
Since I booted my older sister from the family site, I've felt really sad that once again our relationship bombed. I don't think it's possible for her to like me. A number of people said, "good" when I told them she was gone. It was obvious how hateful she was being. I'm sure many think otherwise and I still feel like crawling back in my hole but here I am.
I've been studying my Dad's journal. He wrote it in the '80's and I've had it all this time. He passed away in 1990. I have read bits and pieces over the years but never really delved into it much....it was too painful. It's still painful, but now I'm not only reading it but posting it for my brother, remaining two sisters and other relatives to see. This is probably not helping my depression but it feels like something I need to do right now. He sure loved his family!
I feel much love for my family and that is always what gets me through these really bad bouts of depression. Right now knowing my son will be over later today, or knowing I'll see my granddaughter this weekend are great things that motivate me to get up and do something. I've been gaining weight and really hope I will manage to motivate myself to do something about that soon.
I really think motivation is the key to winning the battle against depression. I'm trying hard to muster up my motivation this time.
Since I booted my older sister from the family site, I've felt really sad that once again our relationship bombed. I don't think it's possible for her to like me. A number of people said, "good" when I told them she was gone. It was obvious how hateful she was being. I'm sure many think otherwise and I still feel like crawling back in my hole but here I am.
I've been studying my Dad's journal. He wrote it in the '80's and I've had it all this time. He passed away in 1990. I have read bits and pieces over the years but never really delved into it much....it was too painful. It's still painful, but now I'm not only reading it but posting it for my brother, remaining two sisters and other relatives to see. This is probably not helping my depression but it feels like something I need to do right now. He sure loved his family!
I feel much love for my family and that is always what gets me through these really bad bouts of depression. Right now knowing my son will be over later today, or knowing I'll see my granddaughter this weekend are great things that motivate me to get up and do something. I've been gaining weight and really hope I will manage to motivate myself to do something about that soon.
I really think motivation is the key to winning the battle against depression. I'm trying hard to muster up my motivation this time.
New Year, Same Old Depression
Friday, January 6th, 2012
Happy New Year everyone!
I haven't written for quite a while because I wasn't feeling depressed. Now that the holidays are over, the same old depression is trying to seep back into my days. I'm resisting the best I can. How are all of you doing fighting off depression?
I feel very fortunate to have this blog and so many faithful followers. I appreciate you! I also need to try and appreciate myself. That sounds strange but...it's something I find difficult to do all the time and even more so when I get the blues.
I have family members who frequently talk about their accomplishments. I don't understand how they are able to do that. After I've heard or read plenty of that, I start wondering what I might say about my accomplishments. I wonder getting out of bed and making it through another day, or managing not to eat all the chocolate at once, would impress anyone.
Recently, I did a good thing for my extended family. I started a family group website so that we could all communicate and share pictures. Several of my sisters wanted a family site but they didn't know how to accomplish it. I was able to set it up and I felt a sense of accomplishment. Even more recently, this good thing that I did has turned into my worst nightmare! My sisters are cruel and their cruelty is usually directed at me. It's causing me a lot of stress and increased depression just dealing with them again.
I guess there was a lot to be said for the "isolationism" I had been practicing for the past several years. I don't really want to return to that but this emotional pain is very difficult. Thank you for reading this. I hope I haven't been too much of a whiner. I would appreciate any feedback you can give me.
I haven't written for quite a while because I wasn't feeling depressed. Now that the holidays are over, the same old depression is trying to seep back into my days. I'm resisting the best I can. How are all of you doing fighting off depression?
I feel very fortunate to have this blog and so many faithful followers. I appreciate you! I also need to try and appreciate myself. That sounds strange but...it's something I find difficult to do all the time and even more so when I get the blues.
I have family members who frequently talk about their accomplishments. I don't understand how they are able to do that. After I've heard or read plenty of that, I start wondering what I might say about my accomplishments. I wonder getting out of bed and making it through another day, or managing not to eat all the chocolate at once, would impress anyone.
Recently, I did a good thing for my extended family. I started a family group website so that we could all communicate and share pictures. Several of my sisters wanted a family site but they didn't know how to accomplish it. I was able to set it up and I felt a sense of accomplishment. Even more recently, this good thing that I did has turned into my worst nightmare! My sisters are cruel and their cruelty is usually directed at me. It's causing me a lot of stress and increased depression just dealing with them again.
I guess there was a lot to be said for the "isolationism" I had been practicing for the past several years. I don't really want to return to that but this emotional pain is very difficult. Thank you for reading this. I hope I haven't been too much of a whiner. I would appreciate any feedback you can give me.
You Don’t Know What You’ve Got
Saturday, October 25th, 2008by Susan
Taking people for granted is one of the easiest things to do and one of the hardest things to undo. The same can be said for taking things for granted, whether it be material things or even our own physical or mental health. The bottom line is that we don't know what we've got until we lose it.
We don't fully appreciate the good things in our lives until we no longer have them. Loss of a loved one or a broken relationship can cause us a great deal of pain. Dealing with severe depression or other mental health problems can totally upset our world as we once knew it. Suffering through difficult physical problems can also be extremely stressful. When faced with all of these dilemmas we often wonder what happened to the good times. We often miss them terribly.
We can learn to cherish our good relationships and other things, knowing we will dearly miss them when they are gone. Reach out to those you love now rather than later. You never know when it might be too late. We'll also miss our 'feelin good' days, so let's be sure to take full advantage of all the ones we get.
I loved the music of the 60's and there was a song of the 60's that came to mind the other day after I visited with a dear friend. The song is called "You Don't Know What You've Got (Until You Lose It)" I've posted the lyrics below in case some of you might remember it too. I really liked this song when it was popular and I guess I still do. Thanks for reading this blog.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT (UNTIL YOU LOSE IT)
(George Burton / Paul Hampton)
Ral Donner - 1961
Big Jim Sullivan - 1961
You don't know what you've got until you lose it
You gave me you-your love but I abused it
And now I'm sorry for the things I didn't say
`cause I know now I acted in a foolish way
(oh yeah) uh-huh-huh (oh yeah) oh-oh-yeah
You don't know what you've got until you lose it
You gave me you-your love but I misused it
I never knew how lonely loneliness could be
And now I need you, dear, as you once needed me
(oh yeah) uh-huh-huh (oh yeah) oh-oh-yeah
So now if you'd come to this lonely heart you own
I'd give you all my lovin' like you've never known
(bung, bung, bung, bung)
You don't know what you've got until you lose it
You gave me you-your love but I misused it
And now I'm sorry for the things I didn't say
`cause I know now I acted in a foolish way
(oh yeah) uh-huh-huh (oh yeah) oh-oh-yeah
(oh yeah) uh-huh-huh (oh yeah) oh-oh-yeah
FADE
(oh yeah) uh-huh-huh (oh yeah)
Protect Loved Ones From Resentment
Friday, September 26th, 2008by David
Sometimes we have to protect our loved ones from their own resentment. Imagine you are having a good day and all of a sudden something very unnatural happens. A loved one says something or does something that hurts you or makes you angry. You react and now there are two of you acting in an unnatural way. What if you were able to not react?
Some might call not reacting, turning the other cheek. A lot of people have trouble doing this. Well, this isn't a religion lesson where you feel you must become like a monk to get along in the world by not reacting to your loved ones resentment and/or cruelty. However, if you can stop reacting, you might help them to see what is going on. It takes two to fight. If you remain neutral it doesn't have to mean you are turning the other cheek. It means you're not going to be drawn into a disease I call resentment.
Your loved ones don't know how to cope with neutrality. You may not know either. but looking at it the right way may change your mind about it. The world is full of people who think their way is the right way and at the snap of a finger can become resentful, angry or even violent towards someone.
If someone takes their resentment out on you, neutralize the situation or take a break. After all, you may be wrong. If we harbor resentment we can't see that we are sometimes wrong because we can't see anything clearly. Take care of your little corner of the world, your friends, your loved ones............and you.
Can We Ever Take It Back?
Sunday, September 21st, 2008by Susan
Most of us who suffer from depression have had problems in our relationships with family members and other loved ones. Sometimes our loved ones are also depressed. I think depression causes us to be more susceptible to anger and hurt. We feel hurt by what we believe are slights......these slights may simply be others stating their opinions or living their lives. Sometimes we lash out in anger. Can we ever take it back?
We can of course, apologize and say we didn't mean it. We can try to help the other person mend their hurt feelings. Or, if an apology isn't in order, we can give it time. Regardless of what we do or don't do, the loved one will probably never forget what we said or did, even after they forgive us. They may even begin to lash out at us.
In my opinion we can take back the words but we can't take back the pain those words caused. We can only hope our loved ones forgive us and continue to have a relationship with us. We've seen them forgive others who caused them prolonged periods of pain, so we have hope.
Lashing out at someone because they caused you pain seems like an effort to cause them pain, even though we are really only expressing ourselves. Too much lashing out could do irreparable damage to the relationship. We can't take back the pain. We can use caution with our words in the future even when we are depressed. Perhaps, realizing that our loved one is also depressed will help us to stop lashing out.
Taking someone else's depression into account when we are hurting is hard to do, but knowing we can't take back the pain we inflict, might help us think carefully before lashing out. There have been occasions when I wish I had thought carefully of the other persons' feelings before I expressed my own. However, like others who are depressed, I have a tendency not to express my feelings until I am hurting and wishing someone could take away the pain.
Triggers of Depression
Thursday, August 28th, 2008by Susan
My husband and I spent four days at the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital with his mother who is 94 years of age. She is out of the hospital now and will be returning to the hospital soon for a procedure on her back. The many hours we spent in the ICU and adjoining waiting room were very similar to times when I was there for my own mother and for one of my sisters.
Needless to say, I believe the events of the past week have triggered some depressive feelings for me. My mother passed away in 1999. She was in the hospital for 10 days as a result of a fall due to the unsteadiness she suffered with Alzheimer's Disease. All of my sisters, as well as my brother visited and spent time together. We all rallied together again a few years later when one of my sisters spent 10 days in the ICU on life support.
I believe significant events such as loss of a loved one and life threatening illness of a loved one can trigger depression. I also believe similar events can re-trigger those same feelings of depression, fear and anxiety.
There are so many events in our lives that are possible triggers of depression. Job loss, financial problems, arguments with loved ones, death, illness and many many more. Some of us may be depressed due to genetics and chemical imbalance but these triggering events increase our levels of depression, sometimes to the point of immobilizing us for a short period of time. If you find yourself unable to function somewhat normally for you, get professional help as well as help from family members.
Here is an interesting site that lists many of the triggers of depression "Causes of Depression: Possible Triggers of Depression?"
You’ve Gotta Have Hope
Thursday, August 21st, 2008
by Susan
There's an old song titled, "You've Gotta Have Heart" but I've often heard the word Hope substituted for heart including in the title of an old episode of The Golden Girls. In my opinion ya gotta have both....but hope is what I want to talk about in this article.
Those of us with depression often feel hopeless but we can learn to have hope through cognitive behavior therapy. We can learn to set goals and make plans to achieve those goals thus giving us hope....hope for a better life. With hope we can begin to overcome our depression. I believe that hopeful people who encourage us to have hope, are exactly the kind of people we need in our lives.
Let's say we have a goal and a plan. Now we need the motivation to execute that plan. In my opinion, mustering up the motivation is the hard part but we can do it with the help of those who offer us encouragement. Sometimes that can be a professional, a family member or friends. I'd like to say that my brother, David, has given me a lot of the encouragement I needed to carry out my goals with this blog.
There's an interesting article in the Ohio State University Research News on "Hope Therapy". Check it out to learn more about this very interesting idea for controlling the monster.......depression.
Visit: Ozzie Reviews Avon
There's an old song titled, "You've Gotta Have Heart" but I've often heard the word Hope substituted for heart including in the title of an old episode of The Golden Girls. In my opinion ya gotta have both....but hope is what I want to talk about in this article.
Those of us with depression often feel hopeless but we can learn to have hope through cognitive behavior therapy. We can learn to set goals and make plans to achieve those goals thus giving us hope....hope for a better life. With hope we can begin to overcome our depression. I believe that hopeful people who encourage us to have hope, are exactly the kind of people we need in our lives.
Let's say we have a goal and a plan. Now we need the motivation to execute that plan. In my opinion, mustering up the motivation is the hard part but we can do it with the help of those who offer us encouragement. Sometimes that can be a professional, a family member or friends. I'd like to say that my brother, David, has given me a lot of the encouragement I needed to carry out my goals with this blog.
There's an interesting article in the Ohio State University Research News on "Hope Therapy". Check it out to learn more about this very interesting idea for controlling the monster.......depression.
Visit: Ozzie Reviews Avon
Inspired by Randy Pausch
Sunday, July 27th, 2008
by Susan
I have been inspired by Randy Pausch's last lecture as shown on youtube. Randy Pausch was a young professor at Carnegie Mellon who passed away on July 25, 2008. His last lecture was in September of 2007 and it is quite moving.
Randy's last lecture is titled "Achieving Your Childhood Dreams". In the lecture he talks about each of his childhood dreams and how he achieved satisfaction from them. He also discusses how we can enable others to achieve their childhood dreams.
Something I found especially helpful about his lecture were the points he listed on how to get people to help you.
1. You can't get there alone
2. Tell the truth
3. Be earnest
4. Apologize when you screw up
5. Focus on others, not yourself
He also said something profound that gives me hope for the future of the fallen relationships in my life. He said, "People will show you their good side, just keep waiting". I believe hope enables others to achieve their dreams and I appreciate the feeling of hope I received from Professor Randy Pausch.
If you are interested in seeing the inspiring last lecture of Randy Pausch you can find it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
I have been inspired by Randy Pausch's last lecture as shown on youtube. Randy Pausch was a young professor at Carnegie Mellon who passed away on July 25, 2008. His last lecture was in September of 2007 and it is quite moving.
Randy's last lecture is titled "Achieving Your Childhood Dreams". In the lecture he talks about each of his childhood dreams and how he achieved satisfaction from them. He also discusses how we can enable others to achieve their childhood dreams.
Something I found especially helpful about his lecture were the points he listed on how to get people to help you.
1. You can't get there alone
2. Tell the truth
3. Be earnest
4. Apologize when you screw up
5. Focus on others, not yourself
He also said something profound that gives me hope for the future of the fallen relationships in my life. He said, "People will show you their good side, just keep waiting". I believe hope enables others to achieve their dreams and I appreciate the feeling of hope I received from Professor Randy Pausch.
If you are interested in seeing the inspiring last lecture of Randy Pausch you can find it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
Disappointments and Depression: His and Hers
Saturday, July 26th, 2008by Susan
Disappointments in the every day life of those of us suffering from mental health problems are often triggers of depression. Many people are able to easily let go of the frustration of disappointments but if we're prone to having depression it is more difficult.
Disappointment is the frustration we often feel for failing to attain specific hopes or wishes. Recently I proudly sent pictures of my immediate family to members of my family of origin. I failed to attain the reactions I had hoped for. In fact, they didn't even acknowledge the receipt of my pictures. I have been in a dark hole ever since. I'm writing this post as a step up out of that hole.
Over the years the relationships I've had with members of my family of origin have changed dramatically. I don't like the changes but I do concede the changes have been necessary for my general well being. Letting go of old, hurtful relationships is a hard thing to do. I find myself reaching out every now and then, hoping for a better result and it just doesn't happen. I only end up feeling disappointed, depressed and frustrated.
I have five sisters but it is my brother, David who is my friend and the one I can count on if I need support or encouragement. He's definitely not a disappointment! Thanks for reading. You are helping us to achieve our hope of having a successful blog. I'm half way out of this dark hole as a result of posting this article!