Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

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Being Too Good: His and Hers

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
by David

At first, the phrase "being too good" sounds cruel to me because being too good to others is so very special.  People who are good to others sometimes can't control how good they are.  It's very disappointing but half the world gives and half the world takes.  If you only give all of the time and haven't learned to expect something in return by accepting goodness from others, you will be taken advantage of by most people.  It is a rare person who sees the special light that shines in you and doesn't take the mile when you give so much already.

Being too good, or not looking out for yourself can lead to manipulation as well as mental or physical abuse by others.  Look out for yourself in your relationships and don't allow these negative things to happen to you.  We all need to show love but all of us also need to receive love in return.

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Posted in ABUSE, depression, Mental Health, Ozzie's Place, ozzieblackcat, Relationships | Comments Off

Empty Nest Syndrome and Depression: His and Hers

Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008
My youngest child has moved out and is now married.  I am feeling depression as a result of this Empty Nest.   The wedding was beautiful and it was so good to have all of my family together again.   My oldest son left Sunday for his home and I've really felt a lot of sadness since he left.   I apologize for not updating this blog for so many days. 

I reminded my husband this evening that in the nearly 42 years of our marriage there was only one time when I didn't have a child living at home and that was the first 9 months we were married.   His response, "would it help if I started acting like a kid?"   ha!  No, I don't think it would help.  My family has been my life!

I felt the depression that goes along with Empty Nest Syndrome each time one of my four children moved out.  It never lasted too long and I'm hoping it won't with the last one either.  I have good relationships with my children and see most of them pretty often.   It makes me happy to see them happy with their lives.   Maybe that is what has cured me of this sadness and depression each time I have experienced the Empty Nest Syndrome. 

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Posted in depression, Empty Nest Syndrome, Family, His and Hers, Mental Health, ozzieblackcat, Relationships, sadness | Comments Off

I’m Having Anxiety Disorder Symptoms……..by Susan

Tuesday, June 17th, 2008
I'm having some anxiety disorder symptoms this week and I know why.  This coming Saturday, June 21st, my youngest of three sons is getting married.  He will be moving out of our house and I dread the initial empty nest feeling I know I will experience.  My oldest son will be coming home for the wedding and I feel a lot of anxiety about that as well.   I have no explanation for this other than I am so happy and excited to see him that maybe my feelings are getting all confused inside. 

My middle son and my daughter will be coming for the wedding too and this will be the first time all of us have been together for over four years.   My husband and I are busy scurrying about getting things ready for the family gathering at our home.   Today my husband and I bought, hauled and put away what seemed like tons of groceries.  Tomorrow we'll clean house and mow the yard.  Not bad for senior citizens. 

The anxiety disorder symptoms I'm experiencing are headache, nervousness, sleeplessness and worrying.  I'll do much better after the festivities begin......it's the anticipation and preparation that get me all flustered.  I just hope I won't be shaking when I have two of my sons walk me down the aisle for the third one's wedding.

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Posted in Anxiety, depression, Family, His and Hers, Mental Health, Relationships | Comments Off

Keeping Secrets in Your Relationship…….by Susan

Saturday, June 7th, 2008
Yesterday I learned of yet another secret that my spouse kept from me.  He has had a need for over 40 years to keep secrets about things.....lots of things.  I don't think it's good for our relationship, but this time I was prepared mentally to not stress out about his latest secret.  His secrets usually involve hoarding money but there have been plenty of other things too.   I calmly told him what I thought of his latest secret and went on about my business.  Today it's bugging me.....so here I am blogging about keeping secrets in our closest relationships. 

In my opinion good mental health involves having good relationships in our lives.  It's not everything but it's pretty darned important.  I think trust and openness in a relationship are vital to it's success and yet.....how has my relationship lasted over 40 years without these key ingredients?   I think it is because for the most part, I've accepted this person for the very private and secretive person.   However, by accepting this about him, I've also accepted a much lower level of intimacy in our relationship and therein lies one of the reasons for the anger, stress and anxiety I often feel. 

I did an Internet search on keeping secrets and found an interesting article.  The article weighs the pros and cons of keeping secrets in a relationship.  My conclusion is that if you want intimacy in your relationships, reveal the secrets when it feels safe to do so.  

I may have a problem in revealing too much about myself and my feelings.....I'm kind of an open book, so to speak.   However, it feels like a good, honest way for me to be, so I guess I'll continue on my path while others 'keep on' keeping their secrets.  Thanks for listening.

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Posted in Anger, Anxiety, depression, His and Hers, Mental Health, ozzieblackcat, Relationships, stress | Comments Off

What Do You Get From Blogging?…….by Susan

Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008
Someone asked me recently, "what do you get from blogging and how has it helped you?"   I had to give that one a lot of thought before arriving at my answer.   I had to evaluate my reasons for blogging about depression first.  There are a lot of reasons why I blog.   One very important reasons goes back to the years of professional help I received from my Psychologist.   He suggested writing as a form of expression in an effort to understand and express my feelings.  For quite some time I wrote poetry or letters and then I graduated to the Internet and blogging.

Another reason I blog about my mental health, namely depression, is to let my readers know they aren't alone.  I'm very aware of how so very many people suffer from depression, anxiety and relationship problems.  I always found it helpful to know I wasn't the only one and I'm betting you feel the same way.  Somehow, having this knowledge helps us all to stop feeling like an oddity of some kind. 

My final answer to the question, "what do you get from blogging and how has it helped you?" is this:  I get empathy and encouragement from my readers through their comments on the blog and their other contacts with me either by email, in person or at various websites that I visit on a regular basis.   Empathy, or understanding of what another is feeling, is an important thing for all of us to receive.   Encouragement is sometimes vital to a persons survival and recovery of an acute episode of depression or anxiety.   I appreciate immensely how you have all helped me and my brother with your support.

I had to add this statement to my answer "what do you get from blogging and how has it helped you?".  In addition to getting something from blogging at "His and Hers", David and I hope we are also giving something to you, our readers.   We hope we are helping you in some small way to realize you are not alone in your battle with being Bipolar and you are not alone in your struggle against depression.  

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My blackcat, Ozzie


Posted in Bipolar, Blogging, depression, His and Hers, Mental Health, ozzieblackcat, Professional Help, Relationships | Comments Off

Happy Memorial Day Weekend…..by Susan

Sunday, May 25th, 2008
Happy Memorial Day Weekend!  This holiday is of particular significance to me because my dad was a veteran of WWII and the Korean War.  My brother, David, who co-authors this blog, served in the military during the Vietnam war.   My oldest son served two tours of service on a carrier in the Persian Gulf a few years ago.   Military service by our loved ones is something we can all honor.  

Loss of life, loss of relationships and loss of good mental health are all things that our current military and our veterans are dealing with on a daily basis.   Family problems and problems with depression or suicidal feelings are things our veterans struggle to overcome.  I pray for all who have served our country. 

I found some interesting reading about the origin of Memorial Day, which originally occurred on May 30th each year.  I was surprised that the observance of this holiday goes all the way back to the Civil War.  You can read some of the interesting facts surrounding this holiday at wikipedia.org.  







Posted in depression, Family, His and Hers, Loss, Mental Health, Military, ozzieblackcat, Relationships, veterans | Comments Off

A Free Life……….by Susan

Monday, May 19th, 2008
On Mother's Day my youngest son took me to the movies.  It takes us about thirty minutes to drive to the theater and during the ride he played one of his music CD's for me.   He told me I would like this CD and he was right.  It's called Free Life and is by a solo artist named Dan Wilson who was formerly with the group Semisonic.

As I was listening to the song, Free Life, I was struck by the beautiful simplicity of the lyrics.  He says "one life is all we ever get".   One Free Life!   Just think of what a wondrous gift we each received, free!  After hearing the song, I felt as if I had listened to an important sermon or speech.  I felt grateful for my free life.

I think along with feeling grateful for my life, I feel a renewed sense of responsibility to make my free life the best life I can by continuing to improve my family relationships and my overall mental health.   I plan to keep up my fight against depression and anxiety and encourage others to do the same.   It's really true......one life is all we ever get.   

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Posted in depression, Family, Free, life, Mental Health, music, Relationships | Comments Off

Bloggers Unite for Human Rights……..by Susan

Thursday, May 15th, 2008
I'm writing today about Domestic Violence for "Bloggers Unite for Human Rights", because it is a human right for all of us to live our lives free of fear and free of abuse.   Domestic Violence happens in all kinds of families and relationships.  It's devastating to all who are involved.  I know this from my own experience in being raised by parents who engaged in some domestic violence.  It's very confusing for a child, in addition to being extremely frightening and dangerous.  

When my parents started fighting, my sibblings and I would disappear to our rooms or outdoors.  Mom and Daddy were oblivious to where we were or what we were doing.  Oddly, none of my sisters have ever talked with me about our history of living with domestic violence.  I guess for them, it's still our "family secret".  I'm happy this topic is now publicly discussed and there is hope and help for the victims of domestic violence. 

No one deserves to be abused, be it verbally or physically.  Men, women and children can be victims of abuse.  Physical violence even among family members is wrong and against the law.  It could be happening in the house next door and you may never know it.  Too often it is a well kept "family secret".

Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence.  Both men and women can be abused though most victims are women.  Children in these homes are also likely to be abused.   Sometimes the people being abused don't see themselves as victims because they think it only involves hitting, but domestic violence can be psychological, emotional or sexual abuse as well.

According to http://domesticviolence.org , in addition to pushing, hitting, slapping, choking, kicking and biting, the following are other signs of domestic violence:

1. threatening you or your children
2. threatening suicide to get you to do something
3. using or threatening to use a weapon against you
4. keeping or taking your paycheck
5. putting you down
6. forcing you to have sex
7. keeping you from seeing your friends or family
8  keeping you from going to work

These abusive behaviors can happen repeatedly in any kind of relationship and are often followed by a period of making up until the next cycle occurs.   If you are being abused please know that you aren't alone, it's not your fault and help is available.   It's your human right to be free of domestic violence.   You can find a list of helpful groups and their website links at Internet Resources. 

>Bloggers Unite     

Posted in ABUSE, Bloggers Unite, Blogging, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, Family, Human Rights, Mental Health, Relationships, Women | Comments Off

Happy Mental Health Month…..by Susan

Thursday, May 8th, 2008
 May is Mental Health Month.   This is a time for us to work harder at attempting to raise awareness about mental health issues. 

According to the Mental Health Association, 95% of us talk to someone about important decisions in our lives.  I would imagine this would include family members, other relatives, friends and professionals.  It sounds like many of us are getting support and have friends.  

I happened upon an article written by Dr. John Grohol which addresses the findings of the Mental Health Association.  You can find it in the PsychCentral Newsletter.   I think it is interesting.   In the article there is a link to the survey and findings of the Mental Health Association.  It's really worth reading.

I hope our blog readers have people in their lives who are supportive and lend an ear when you need it.   David and I have found that having each others' support, makes a huge difference in our ability to keep on going when things are tough.  

Happy Mental Health Month to everyone!



Posted in Anxiety, Bipolar, depression, Family, Mental Health, Relationships, stress | Comments Off

Do You Have Compassion for Those With Depression?…….by Susan

Saturday, April 5th, 2008
Recently, my brother wrote a couple of articles in which he has praised me for my compassion and empathy regarding his problems with depression.  I've heard the same praise from others who I am in close contact with.  However, I have also been criticized by some family members and friends for this quality.  Some say it is enabling. 

Do you have compassion for those with depression?  Is it a good thing?  I recently read a very interesting article on the subject and want to share it with you.  Here is the article, Learn to Be Compassionate.   I hope you will read this article and then make comments here on my blog as to your thoughts about having compassion for those suffering with depression. 

Depression is a monster who attacks most people at least during some period of time in their lives.  It can be a temporary thing such as the loss felt after losing a loved one, or losing a job.  Even if your depression is a temporary, one time event, you will need others who can empathize and be compassionate toward you and what you are experiencing. 

Please try to understand those who are suffering from depression.  They are fighting a battle for their very lives.  We can enable them to win that battle with our understanding and compassion.  

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Posted in depression, Family, life, Mental Health, Relationships | Comments Off

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