Archive for the ‘stress’ Category
Stress Hits Unexpectedly: His and Hers
Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008by Susan
In 2003 I was going through a difficult time and wrote a poem about how stress grabs us when we least expect it. Stress has been a big part of my depression and anxiety disease. It's something I frequently feel even though I'm past the worst of it. Maybe some of you can relate to my poem if you also have mental health issues that you are dealing with on a daily basis.
Stress
Stress can hit you in the middle of the day
It can wake you when you're dreaming and take your breath away
It can grab you somewhere like the grocery store
It can sneak right up behind you and make you feel unsure.
Stress can wring from you every ounce of mental strength
It can squeeze your very will away, It goes to any length
Stress can twist your thoughts into an awful mess
It ropes you in against your will and steals your very best
It hits you, grabs you, wrings and twists you till you can't go on
It leaves you when you least expect it, then you're glad it's gone.
Keeping Secrets in Your Relationship…….by Susan
Saturday, June 7th, 2008
Yesterday I learned of yet another secret that my spouse kept from me. He has had a need for over 40 years to keep secrets about things.....lots of things. I don't think it's good for our relationship, but this time I was prepared mentally to not stress out about his latest secret. His secrets usually involve hoarding money but there have been plenty of other things too. I calmly told him what I thought of his latest secret and went on about my business. Today it's bugging me.....so here I am blogging about keeping secrets in our closest relationships.
In my opinion good mental health involves having good relationships in our lives. It's not everything but it's pretty darned important. I think trust and openness in a relationship are vital to it's success and yet.....how has my relationship lasted over 40 years without these key ingredients? I think it is because for the most part, I've accepted this person for the very private and secretive person. However, by accepting this about him, I've also accepted a much lower level of intimacy in our relationship and therein lies one of the reasons for the anger, stress and anxiety I often feel.
I did an Internet search on keeping secrets and found an interesting article. The article weighs the pros and cons of keeping secrets in a relationship. My conclusion is that if you want intimacy in your relationships, reveal the secrets when it feels safe to do so.
I may have a problem in revealing too much about myself and my feelings.....I'm kind of an open book, so to speak. However, it feels like a good, honest way for me to be, so I guess I'll continue on my path while others 'keep on' keeping their secrets. Thanks for listening.
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In my opinion good mental health involves having good relationships in our lives. It's not everything but it's pretty darned important. I think trust and openness in a relationship are vital to it's success and yet.....how has my relationship lasted over 40 years without these key ingredients? I think it is because for the most part, I've accepted this person for the very private and secretive person. However, by accepting this about him, I've also accepted a much lower level of intimacy in our relationship and therein lies one of the reasons for the anger, stress and anxiety I often feel.
I did an Internet search on keeping secrets and found an interesting article. The article weighs the pros and cons of keeping secrets in a relationship. My conclusion is that if you want intimacy in your relationships, reveal the secrets when it feels safe to do so.
I may have a problem in revealing too much about myself and my feelings.....I'm kind of an open book, so to speak. However, it feels like a good, honest way for me to be, so I guess I'll continue on my path while others 'keep on' keeping their secrets. Thanks for listening.
Please visit:
Ozzieblackcat's home page
Happy Mental Health Month…..by Susan
Thursday, May 8th, 2008
May is Mental Health Month. This is a time for us to work harder at attempting to raise awareness about mental health issues.
According to the Mental Health Association, 95% of us talk to someone about important decisions in our lives. I would imagine this would include family members, other relatives, friends and professionals. It sounds like many of us are getting support and have friends.
I happened upon an article written by Dr. John Grohol which addresses the findings of the Mental Health Association. You can find it in the PsychCentral Newsletter. I think it is interesting. In the article there is a link to the survey and findings of the Mental Health Association. It's really worth reading.
I hope our blog readers have people in their lives who are supportive and lend an ear when you need it. David and I have found that having each others' support, makes a huge difference in our ability to keep on going when things are tough.
Happy Mental Health Month to everyone!
According to the Mental Health Association, 95% of us talk to someone about important decisions in our lives. I would imagine this would include family members, other relatives, friends and professionals. It sounds like many of us are getting support and have friends.
I happened upon an article written by Dr. John Grohol which addresses the findings of the Mental Health Association. You can find it in the PsychCentral Newsletter. I think it is interesting. In the article there is a link to the survey and findings of the Mental Health Association. It's really worth reading.
I hope our blog readers have people in their lives who are supportive and lend an ear when you need it. David and I have found that having each others' support, makes a huge difference in our ability to keep on going when things are tough.
Happy Mental Health Month to everyone!
Anticipation or Social Anxiety……..by Susan
Thursday, March 20th, 2008
Many people who suffer from depression also have problems with social anxiety. I'm one of those many. Sometimes I find it difficult to distinguish eager anticipation from social anxiety. I often mistake eager anticipation for anxiety, and vice versa. I can only assume other people have similar experiences.
When waiting for visitors to arrive at our home, I frequently feel a mixture of eager anticipation and dreadful social anxiety. Actually..... I think I'm feeling a little of both at the same time. As you can already tell, I'm easily confused about just exactly what it is I'm feeling when awaiting a social situation.
Prior to my visitors arrival, I worry about how the house looks and how I look. I tend to fuss over silly details. After my visitors arrive or the social interaction gets underway, I usually become much more relaxed and begin to enjoy myself.
The most maddening thing for me is to feel this way not only when I'm expecting "visitors" but also when expecting family members, including my own adult children. My daughter told me recently that she had seen me at my very worst plenty of times, so don't worry. I think that's great advice but very hard advice to follow when you suffer from chronic anxiety. I keep her words in mind and work towards doing less worrying when it comes to social interactions. That's a step in the right direction, right?
When waiting for visitors to arrive at our home, I frequently feel a mixture of eager anticipation and dreadful social anxiety. Actually..... I think I'm feeling a little of both at the same time. As you can already tell, I'm easily confused about just exactly what it is I'm feeling when awaiting a social situation.
Prior to my visitors arrival, I worry about how the house looks and how I look. I tend to fuss over silly details. After my visitors arrive or the social interaction gets underway, I usually become much more relaxed and begin to enjoy myself.
The most maddening thing for me is to feel this way not only when I'm expecting "visitors" but also when expecting family members, including my own adult children. My daughter told me recently that she had seen me at my very worst plenty of times, so don't worry. I think that's great advice but very hard advice to follow when you suffer from chronic anxiety. I keep her words in mind and work towards doing less worrying when it comes to social interactions. That's a step in the right direction, right?
Children, Reflections of Your Self…….by David
Sunday, February 24th, 2008
Never let it be said that you don't try the best you can, the best you are able to, when it comes to important things like your children. Sometimes due to the stress of everyday living, bills, relationships, our past life and our problems coping in the present, our children tend to slip down the list of our priorities.
Well, now that I have sugar-coated it real nice-like, have you ever heard the saying, "The buck stops here"? You are not going to help your kids with their current problems by giving them advice, not after they have become teens and older. Not after they have become really screwed up because of your example.
I am a firm believe that when you become 18, you are on your own. You must retain the positive traits your parents have instilled in you and reject the negative. Try presenting that concept to your 18 year old, but have your ears covered when they respond with advice on where you need to go.
It took me until I was 50 years of age before I started accepting the positive and rejecting the negative traits of my parents. Best get your kids and your grandkids to the top of your priority list. That's what comes first, next keep your mouth shut. They don't want your advice, they need your example and it's never too late to start setting that example.
Don't even bother, if money, a new house, a new car, a job, or other things are more important to you. I will feel sorry for you, when you are looking out the window 40 years from now longing for someone to come and visit you.
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Well, now that I have sugar-coated it real nice-like, have you ever heard the saying, "The buck stops here"? You are not going to help your kids with their current problems by giving them advice, not after they have become teens and older. Not after they have become really screwed up because of your example.
I am a firm believe that when you become 18, you are on your own. You must retain the positive traits your parents have instilled in you and reject the negative. Try presenting that concept to your 18 year old, but have your ears covered when they respond with advice on where you need to go.
It took me until I was 50 years of age before I started accepting the positive and rejecting the negative traits of my parents. Best get your kids and your grandkids to the top of your priority list. That's what comes first, next keep your mouth shut. They don't want your advice, they need your example and it's never too late to start setting that example.
Don't even bother, if money, a new house, a new car, a job, or other things are more important to you. I will feel sorry for you, when you are looking out the window 40 years from now longing for someone to come and visit you.
Please visit:
Ozzie Reviews Avon
Living With Male Chauvinism……….by Susan
Thursday, January 31st, 2008
I have lived my life with men who practice what used to be referred to as 'Male Chauvinism'. It began of course, with my father who was a very loving person but........he was also a sergeant in the Army. He used to tell his six daughters and one son this: "Saturday we were going to have a G I party". This meant we all had to clean our rooms. He was bossy and required us to live by his standards in all areas of our lives. If he came home and mom told him one of us needed a spanking, he gave it to us. He required all of us to go to confession once every two weeks, regardless of whether we felt the need to confess anything.
I can't begin to tell you how many times my mother asked him not to talk so loud. I guess his career required a lot of yelling and he didn't leave his job at the office. Those were the early days. Later, after he retired from the military, he changed. He changed a lot as I began my high school years. He began to drink heavily. My mother also changed and was often mean to him and her children. They fought a lot as my siblings and I tried to get as far away from it as possible. We had a large home and a large yard, thank God!
I've never forgotten this incident when my Dad was especially chauvinistic. I was studying accounting, shorthand, and typing in school and hoped to work in an office when I graduated. These were my Dad's words of support: "It's good to have a skill, in case something happens to your husband and you have to go to work". Yesterday, while visiting with some of my female friends who are fellow Avon Representatives, they were talking about the encouragement their dads gave them. That conversation is what brought to mind the lack of encouragement I received from my dad.
I pat myself on the back daily for the progress I've been making in improving my self esteem. I'm happy with the desire I have to accomplish something in addition to being a wife and mother. I've been working hard online to promote my ozzieblackcat websites and my Avon blog and website. I've also been working hard to make a small income to supplement my husband's retirement income. I still battle the attitude of some of the men in my life who continue to display an attitude of "chauvinism" or superiority. I also battle the anger I feel when my husband behaves in this manner. Many men have let go of this attitude of superiority, but there are some of us who are still living with "male chauvinism" and this someone is surviving. My happiness level continues to increase as I learn to be the best I can be.
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I can't begin to tell you how many times my mother asked him not to talk so loud. I guess his career required a lot of yelling and he didn't leave his job at the office. Those were the early days. Later, after he retired from the military, he changed. He changed a lot as I began my high school years. He began to drink heavily. My mother also changed and was often mean to him and her children. They fought a lot as my siblings and I tried to get as far away from it as possible. We had a large home and a large yard, thank God!
I've never forgotten this incident when my Dad was especially chauvinistic. I was studying accounting, shorthand, and typing in school and hoped to work in an office when I graduated. These were my Dad's words of support: "It's good to have a skill, in case something happens to your husband and you have to go to work". Yesterday, while visiting with some of my female friends who are fellow Avon Representatives, they were talking about the encouragement their dads gave them. That conversation is what brought to mind the lack of encouragement I received from my dad.
I pat myself on the back daily for the progress I've been making in improving my self esteem. I'm happy with the desire I have to accomplish something in addition to being a wife and mother. I've been working hard online to promote my ozzieblackcat websites and my Avon blog and website. I've also been working hard to make a small income to supplement my husband's retirement income. I still battle the attitude of some of the men in my life who continue to display an attitude of "chauvinism" or superiority. I also battle the anger I feel when my husband behaves in this manner. Many men have let go of this attitude of superiority, but there are some of us who are still living with "male chauvinism" and this someone is surviving. My happiness level continues to increase as I learn to be the best I can be.
Please visit:
Ozzie Reviews Avon
My Avon Website
Why Do People Lie?
Sunday, January 20th, 2008
People in general tell all kinds of lies. Some folks only tell the little social white lies such as saying, "I can't meet you for lunch because I have a meeting"....or the tell someone they love their hair color when they don't mean it at all. I hate this kind of stuff and make every effort not to do these things. I do, however, accept that these things happen, a lot. What really concerns me though, are the relationship lies that many people tell.
When we're in a relationship with someone shouldn't we treat them with respect by telling them the truth? If we lose interest in them, should we tell them? If we start having feelings for someone else, should we tell them? In my opinion, if we want to preserve the relationship we are in, we need to be truthful. So often I have heard it said that a person withheld the truth or told a lie in order to protect their partner. Since when do lies protect people?
I think most of us can handle the hurt we feel from being told the truth. We'll suffer for a while, but hopefully, we'll work through the problem with our loved one or another person who cares about us. Most of us have a much more difficult time handling the pain caused by lies. Finding out something hurtful and adding lies on top of it is a double whammy! Not only do we suffer the painful truth, but also the painful realization that our loved one cannot be trusted to share that truth. Since most relationships need trust to succeed, it's my opinion that telling lies destroys relationships.
People are human and we all make mistakes but is telling a lie a mistake, or a deliberate act to protect ourselves?
My Avon Review Site
When we're in a relationship with someone shouldn't we treat them with respect by telling them the truth? If we lose interest in them, should we tell them? If we start having feelings for someone else, should we tell them? In my opinion, if we want to preserve the relationship we are in, we need to be truthful. So often I have heard it said that a person withheld the truth or told a lie in order to protect their partner. Since when do lies protect people?
I think most of us can handle the hurt we feel from being told the truth. We'll suffer for a while, but hopefully, we'll work through the problem with our loved one or another person who cares about us. Most of us have a much more difficult time handling the pain caused by lies. Finding out something hurtful and adding lies on top of it is a double whammy! Not only do we suffer the painful truth, but also the painful realization that our loved one cannot be trusted to share that truth. Since most relationships need trust to succeed, it's my opinion that telling lies destroys relationships.
People are human and we all make mistakes but is telling a lie a mistake, or a deliberate act to protect ourselves?
My Avon Review Site
Merry Christmas to All of Our Readers……….Susan and David
Saturday, December 22nd, 2007
David and I would like to wish all of our blog readers a Very Merry Christmas. If you don't celebrate Christmas, then we wish you a Happy Holiday Season.
Merry Christmas to All!
We hope no one is feeling like "Ba Humbug", even though the holidays can often cause us to have more problems with depression, sadness and stress. If you are having problems right now, please take the time to do something especially nice for yourself in an effort to make you feel better about yourself. If you are able, reach out to someone in need and do something nice for them too. If you get desperately depressed please seek help from loved ones or professionals.
Don't forget to allow yourself a little time to be alone if you are spending the holidays with family. Often the hustle and bustle can be very stressful and we deserve a bit of peace and quiet to go along with all the fun. At our house, some of us actually take a nap after dinner on Christmas, or if the weather is decent we may take a short walk. Most important is staying aware of our state of mind during the holidays and taking whatever actions we need to in order to have the safest and happiest Christmas possible.
Susan writes:
Avon Reviews
Merry Christmas to All!
We hope no one is feeling like "Ba Humbug", even though the holidays can often cause us to have more problems with depression, sadness and stress. If you are having problems right now, please take the time to do something especially nice for yourself in an effort to make you feel better about yourself. If you are able, reach out to someone in need and do something nice for them too. If you get desperately depressed please seek help from loved ones or professionals.
Don't forget to allow yourself a little time to be alone if you are spending the holidays with family. Often the hustle and bustle can be very stressful and we deserve a bit of peace and quiet to go along with all the fun. At our house, some of us actually take a nap after dinner on Christmas, or if the weather is decent we may take a short walk. Most important is staying aware of our state of mind during the holidays and taking whatever actions we need to in order to have the safest and happiest Christmas possible.
Susan writes:
Avon Reviews
One Down, One to Go……………by Susan
Wednesday, November 28th, 2007I survived Thanksgiving so I consider that 'one down and one to go'. I really enjoy the holidays in many ways but they are also very tiring and stressful for me. I suppose it is my depression. It may also have something to do with working hard to cope with all the relationships in my family.
Getting together with family is one of my favorite things to do. I'll never understand why it wears me out so much. How can visiting cause us so much fatigue? I remember when I was a young woman in my 20's, I was exhausted after a weekend of sitting around talking and having fun with family.
I did quite a bit of cooking over the Thanksgiving weekend but had lots of help from my daughter and my grandson. We played games, went to a movie, watched a DVD and had plenty of down time which is just the way I like to spend a holiday. Having fun, enjoying one's family and eating good food sure can wear a person out!
Christmas will be here before we know it. I'm planning on being prepared and getting plenty of rest before it's time to have more family holiday fun.
Getting together with family is one of my favorite things to do. I'll never understand why it wears me out so much. How can visiting cause us so much fatigue? I remember when I was a young woman in my 20's, I was exhausted after a weekend of sitting around talking and having fun with family.
I did quite a bit of cooking over the Thanksgiving weekend but had lots of help from my daughter and my grandson. We played games, went to a movie, watched a DVD and had plenty of down time which is just the way I like to spend a holiday. Having fun, enjoying one's family and eating good food sure can wear a person out!
Christmas will be here before we know it. I'm planning on being prepared and getting plenty of rest before it's time to have more family holiday fun.
Avon Reviews
Motivation to Exercise……….by Susan
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007I am having quite a lot of trouble lately motivating myself to exercise. I decided to recall some of the physical activities I used to enjoy in years past, in hopes that by doing this, it might help me to get in touch with the feelings I had when I lived a much more active lifestyle.
When I was a child some of my favorite things to do were jumping rope, playing hop scotch, swinging and hanging upside down by my knees on the jungle gym. As I got a little older I loved to ride my bicycle and swim. I used to ride my bike all the way across town to the city pool, swim all afternoon and then ride my bike back home. We also walked to and from school every day.....through all kinds of weather. It wasn't uphill or five miles though.
As young woman I continued to love swimming and added dancing to my activities. My sisters and I attended lots of dances and practiced at home every chance we got. I think we burned up lots of calories doing the "Twist" and the "Stroll".
When my children were young I exercised plenty in the process of taking care of them. I raised four of them and all were active in various sports and other school activities. I also developed a love of taking evening walks with my husband. Maybe that was our time alone together.
We belonged to a nice Fitness Club for a year or two and went regularly but due to the cost of the club, our reduced retirement income, and our increased health problems, we opted not to renew our membership. I'm looking for alternatives.
Now that we are senior citizens and retired for the most part, we have plenty of time together. We do still take walks but they are shorter and slower. They don't keep the weight off either of us. Both of us are having this problem with motivation to exercise because we tire too easily by the time we do our chores and take care of our daily responsibilities.
I'm hoping we will soon discover a new activity that will cause us to get moving again. I'm definitely looking........my garden needs weeding!