I'm doing a little better now. It always seems to me that I battle depression by taking baby steps towards feeling better. It's been difficult to deal with family relationships lately because not one person in the family wants to talk about what happened between my older sister and myself. I have to do all my talking to myself. Now that sounds like a crazy person for sure. lol
I think the recovery process takes longer when not one person who was involved in the mayhem wants to be involved in the healing now. Pretending nothing happened and going on about our business is the method that has always been used in my family of origin. I personally hate that method and believe it only causes bad feelings to fester.
Taking baby steps and sharing my feelings with my husband have both been helpful. One of the steps I have taken is to focus my attention on my Dad's journal. I've been typing it one page at a time and sharing it on the family Website for all the relatives to see. Most of them didn't know he had even written a journal. I've been enjoying this project and it is helping me to heal. I believe one family member is sending the documents to my sister who was banned from the site...and that's okay.
I've felt sad about banning her and would take her back in a minute if she ever wants to talk with me about our differences. I couldn't let her continue to treat me with disrespect on the family site though. Overall, the family site is a farce. People aren't interested in sharing their lives with each other. The younger folks enjoyed reading the memories of the older ones and everyone enjoys the pictures a few of us have posted. However, participation by most members is very low....and always has been.
It's not healthy when a 65 year old person is still upset by members of their family of origin. You would think by now, I would be able block their words and actions from hurting me. I'll never forget something my Dad said to me when I was a teen. I had complained to him about something my sisters said or did and his response was, "you know how your sisters are". To this day I still know....but still wish it wasn't so.
Archive for the ‘Women’ Category
Battling Depression With Baby Steps
Saturday, February 4th, 2012Depression, a Battle Again!
Wednesday, January 18th, 2012
I wonder if it's just this time of year that has me fighting the battle of depression again. I know the holidays are famous for people being depressed but my worst time is after they are over. It's probably because the weather gets cold and I have a tendency to get sick. I'm plagued with sinus infections. It also gets lonesome.
Since I booted my older sister from the family site, I've felt really sad that once again our relationship bombed. I don't think it's possible for her to like me. A number of people said, "good" when I told them she was gone. It was obvious how hateful she was being. I'm sure many think otherwise and I still feel like crawling back in my hole but here I am.
I've been studying my Dad's journal. He wrote it in the '80's and I've had it all this time. He passed away in 1990. I have read bits and pieces over the years but never really delved into it much....it was too painful. It's still painful, but now I'm not only reading it but posting it for my brother, remaining two sisters and other relatives to see. This is probably not helping my depression but it feels like something I need to do right now. He sure loved his family!
I feel much love for my family and that is always what gets me through these really bad bouts of depression. Right now knowing my son will be over later today, or knowing I'll see my granddaughter this weekend are great things that motivate me to get up and do something. I've been gaining weight and really hope I will manage to motivate myself to do something about that soon.
I really think motivation is the key to winning the battle against depression. I'm trying hard to muster up my motivation this time.
Since I booted my older sister from the family site, I've felt really sad that once again our relationship bombed. I don't think it's possible for her to like me. A number of people said, "good" when I told them she was gone. It was obvious how hateful she was being. I'm sure many think otherwise and I still feel like crawling back in my hole but here I am.
I've been studying my Dad's journal. He wrote it in the '80's and I've had it all this time. He passed away in 1990. I have read bits and pieces over the years but never really delved into it much....it was too painful. It's still painful, but now I'm not only reading it but posting it for my brother, remaining two sisters and other relatives to see. This is probably not helping my depression but it feels like something I need to do right now. He sure loved his family!
I feel much love for my family and that is always what gets me through these really bad bouts of depression. Right now knowing my son will be over later today, or knowing I'll see my granddaughter this weekend are great things that motivate me to get up and do something. I've been gaining weight and really hope I will manage to motivate myself to do something about that soon.
I really think motivation is the key to winning the battle against depression. I'm trying hard to muster up my motivation this time.
New Year, Same Old Depression
Friday, January 6th, 2012
Happy New Year everyone!
I haven't written for quite a while because I wasn't feeling depressed. Now that the holidays are over, the same old depression is trying to seep back into my days. I'm resisting the best I can. How are all of you doing fighting off depression?
I feel very fortunate to have this blog and so many faithful followers. I appreciate you! I also need to try and appreciate myself. That sounds strange but...it's something I find difficult to do all the time and even more so when I get the blues.
I have family members who frequently talk about their accomplishments. I don't understand how they are able to do that. After I've heard or read plenty of that, I start wondering what I might say about my accomplishments. I wonder getting out of bed and making it through another day, or managing not to eat all the chocolate at once, would impress anyone.
Recently, I did a good thing for my extended family. I started a family group website so that we could all communicate and share pictures. Several of my sisters wanted a family site but they didn't know how to accomplish it. I was able to set it up and I felt a sense of accomplishment. Even more recently, this good thing that I did has turned into my worst nightmare! My sisters are cruel and their cruelty is usually directed at me. It's causing me a lot of stress and increased depression just dealing with them again.
I guess there was a lot to be said for the "isolationism" I had been practicing for the past several years. I don't really want to return to that but this emotional pain is very difficult. Thank you for reading this. I hope I haven't been too much of a whiner. I would appreciate any feedback you can give me.
I haven't written for quite a while because I wasn't feeling depressed. Now that the holidays are over, the same old depression is trying to seep back into my days. I'm resisting the best I can. How are all of you doing fighting off depression?
I feel very fortunate to have this blog and so many faithful followers. I appreciate you! I also need to try and appreciate myself. That sounds strange but...it's something I find difficult to do all the time and even more so when I get the blues.
I have family members who frequently talk about their accomplishments. I don't understand how they are able to do that. After I've heard or read plenty of that, I start wondering what I might say about my accomplishments. I wonder getting out of bed and making it through another day, or managing not to eat all the chocolate at once, would impress anyone.
Recently, I did a good thing for my extended family. I started a family group website so that we could all communicate and share pictures. Several of my sisters wanted a family site but they didn't know how to accomplish it. I was able to set it up and I felt a sense of accomplishment. Even more recently, this good thing that I did has turned into my worst nightmare! My sisters are cruel and their cruelty is usually directed at me. It's causing me a lot of stress and increased depression just dealing with them again.
I guess there was a lot to be said for the "isolationism" I had been practicing for the past several years. I don't really want to return to that but this emotional pain is very difficult. Thank you for reading this. I hope I haven't been too much of a whiner. I would appreciate any feedback you can give me.
After the Party’s Over
Sunday, November 30th, 2008by Susan
I'm usually exhausted after the party is over....this time the party was Thanksgiving at the King's. I was exhausted by Saturday, but pleased with the way my dinner turned out on Thursday and the fun we all had. I think my children and grandchildren thoroughly enjoyed their time here. I really enjoyed having all of them. I'm rested today and starting to plan the next party which will be Christmas at the King's.
I had a few minor mishaps while preparing the dinner but all turned out well. My daughter was ill so my husband was my right hand in the kitchen this year. We ate dinner and visited for nearly two hours. Some of us took a walk after dinner since it was a beautiful day here in the Ozarks. One of my sons joined us while the other two and their dad reclined in their easy chairs and chuckled about us , harassing my youngest son for joining us.
We all ate leftovers on Friday evening and now the food and the family are gone. My only grandson was able to come for leftovers on Friday and was amazed that I still had pumpkin pie left. I told him I made two pumpkin pies this year. I also made brownies.....a favorite of all my kids and an apple cake, which was a big success.
Saturday morning at 4:00 a.m. my oldest son and I were playing our traditional game of Scrabble before he had to catch his plane to head back home. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers as he heads to Iraq in about two weeks.
I Wish I Looked Different
Friday, September 12th, 2008
by Susan
Sometimes I really wish I looked different. We go through life with this one body and even though we try to keep it healthy and looking it's best we may be dissatisfied with how we look. I am. Women like myself, who are senior citizens, probably understand very well how this dissatisfaction with our appearance can worsen with age.
I keep hoping I will get to the point where I'm comfortable wearing red and purple, and don't care too much anymore about how I look, but I'm not there yet. My self esteem has always been connected to how I feel about my appearance. Lately, I haven't had good self esteem.
My hair is thinning and my waistline is thickening. I know both of these things often happen to senior citizens in spite of exercise and eating right. I know aging is a normal process but by golly......we don't have to like it. I want to age gracefully and happily and I know acceptance is the key to achieving that wish. I'm just not ready. I wish I looked different.........younger, thinner and happier.
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. According to one article I found, many people are actually Obsessing On Body Image. I'm not obsessing yet, but just having a rant tonight. Thanks for reading.
Sometimes I really wish I looked different. We go through life with this one body and even though we try to keep it healthy and looking it's best we may be dissatisfied with how we look. I am. Women like myself, who are senior citizens, probably understand very well how this dissatisfaction with our appearance can worsen with age.
I keep hoping I will get to the point where I'm comfortable wearing red and purple, and don't care too much anymore about how I look, but I'm not there yet. My self esteem has always been connected to how I feel about my appearance. Lately, I haven't had good self esteem.
My hair is thinning and my waistline is thickening. I know both of these things often happen to senior citizens in spite of exercise and eating right. I know aging is a normal process but by golly......we don't have to like it. I want to age gracefully and happily and I know acceptance is the key to achieving that wish. I'm just not ready. I wish I looked different.........younger, thinner and happier.
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. According to one article I found, many people are actually Obsessing On Body Image. I'm not obsessing yet, but just having a rant tonight. Thanks for reading.
Undecided Voter
Friday, September 5th, 2008by Susan
If my dad were alive he would vote for John McCain. If my grandchildren were old enough to vote they would vote for Barack Obama. I'm an undecided voter and as a senior citizen it puzzles me to be undecided at this time in my life. I usually make up my mind early. Somehow, this seems like a very important election to me......more so than all the other presidential elections I've voted in over the years.
Maybe my indecision has to do with increased depression.......I'm not sure. I do know that I feel a certain amount of anxiety associated with this election. This has been one of the most interesting races to date and I've probably spent too much time sitting around watching television and the Internet in an effort to learn as much as possible about the candidates and the issues.
I feel a bit of anger when some of my loved ones tell me who they are voting for and they haven't listened to the speeches of all the candidates. They obviously base their decision on something else.....but what? Have they done some other kind of homework so they are informed? Maybe I'm taking my one vote too seriously.
I found an interesting article about undecided voters at WebMD and learned that I may not be undecided at all. I just don't know it yet.
Bloggers Unite for Human Rights……..by Susan
Thursday, May 15th, 2008
I'm writing today about Domestic Violence for "Bloggers Unite for Human Rights", because it is a human right for all of us to live our lives free of fear and free of abuse. Domestic Violence happens in all kinds of families and relationships. It's devastating to all who are involved. I know this from my own experience in being raised by parents who engaged in some domestic violence. It's very confusing for a child, in addition to being extremely frightening and dangerous.
When my parents started fighting, my sibblings and I would disappear to our rooms or outdoors. Mom and Daddy were oblivious to where we were or what we were doing. Oddly, none of my sisters have ever talked with me about our history of living with domestic violence. I guess for them, it's still our "family secret". I'm happy this topic is now publicly discussed and there is hope and help for the victims of domestic violence.
No one deserves to be abused, be it verbally or physically. Men, women and children can be victims of abuse. Physical violence even among family members is wrong and against the law. It could be happening in the house next door and you may never know it. Too often it is a well kept "family secret".
Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence. Both men and women can be abused though most victims are women. Children in these homes are also likely to be abused. Sometimes the people being abused don't see themselves as victims because they think it only involves hitting, but domestic violence can be psychological, emotional or sexual abuse as well.
According to http://domesticviolence.org , in addition to pushing, hitting, slapping, choking, kicking and biting, the following are other signs of domestic violence:
1. threatening you or your children
2. threatening suicide to get you to do something
3. using or threatening to use a weapon against you
4. keeping or taking your paycheck
5. putting you down
6. forcing you to have sex
7. keeping you from seeing your friends or family
8 keeping you from going to work
These abusive behaviors can happen repeatedly in any kind of relationship and are often followed by a period of making up until the next cycle occurs. If you are being abused please know that you aren't alone, it's not your fault and help is available. It's your human right to be free of domestic violence. You can find a list of helpful groups and their website links at Internet Resources.
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When my parents started fighting, my sibblings and I would disappear to our rooms or outdoors. Mom and Daddy were oblivious to where we were or what we were doing. Oddly, none of my sisters have ever talked with me about our history of living with domestic violence. I guess for them, it's still our "family secret". I'm happy this topic is now publicly discussed and there is hope and help for the victims of domestic violence.
No one deserves to be abused, be it verbally or physically. Men, women and children can be victims of abuse. Physical violence even among family members is wrong and against the law. It could be happening in the house next door and you may never know it. Too often it is a well kept "family secret".
Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence. Both men and women can be abused though most victims are women. Children in these homes are also likely to be abused. Sometimes the people being abused don't see themselves as victims because they think it only involves hitting, but domestic violence can be psychological, emotional or sexual abuse as well.
According to http://domesticviolence.org , in addition to pushing, hitting, slapping, choking, kicking and biting, the following are other signs of domestic violence:
1. threatening you or your children
2. threatening suicide to get you to do something
3. using or threatening to use a weapon against you
4. keeping or taking your paycheck
5. putting you down
6. forcing you to have sex
7. keeping you from seeing your friends or family
8 keeping you from going to work
These abusive behaviors can happen repeatedly in any kind of relationship and are often followed by a period of making up until the next cycle occurs. If you are being abused please know that you aren't alone, it's not your fault and help is available. It's your human right to be free of domestic violence. You can find a list of helpful groups and their website links at Internet Resources.
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